GAPS
by Seralina
Summary: The Doctor had set the screwdriver to scan for openings in the universes a very long time ago. It was a simulation that would take a few hundred years to perfect, and even then there was only a small chance that it could find a gap into the other universe. The screwdriver could only scan so much of the vast universe at once. Only if he was very lucky, and he usually wasn't.
1. Prologue- Alone Again

******* Everything in this story, with the exception of the plot, belongs to the BBC. I just like reading. Please Review and let me know if I should continue. Thanks!***

**The wonderful cover image can be found here art/rose-and-12th-doctor-557266629  
And it belongs to the wonderful Artist who made is AvaSpohiaToasterFish! (interesting Username. (; )***

 **Prologue**

 _Alone Again_

He had just spent twenty four years of his life with River Song. One very long night on Darillium. This body seemed to match her better in outward appearance, but she was still so young to him. Although he had never told her, and never would… The Doctor loved her. Unfortunately for both of them, it was never the same kind of love. It wasn't shared, wasn't mutual. It was a passing fancy to fill an empty hole they both had inside of them. Maybe, truly, River loved him in a romantic way, but the Doctor never felt that way.

It was really quite simple to him, he had always cared for her and he always would. However, the Doctor had seen first hand the effects of that word. Yes, he loved River, but he was not in love with her. And never could be.

It had been an impossible amount of time since he had been consumed by that sacred emotion. Yes, sacred. At least to him, the kind of love you can only find with soulmates, was truly a sacred thing. Even though he was an extremely lonely man, who seemed doomed to continue his extremely long existence that way (with the exception of an occasional flame of companioship), for some reason he would always believe in-...

The Doctor was suddenly drawn out of his own sorrows, where he had been thinking on his life's dilemma with love from an outside perspective and trying to rationalize why he never returned River's feelings. Even though things would have been so much easier if he could just feel _that_ way. The reason he was pulled out of his deep thoughts, was the large flat surface right in front of him. The TARDIS, no doubt, had just put a wall right in his wandering path. He was only trying to depersonalize his own life, and had ended up walking the path straight to where he was the most sensitive, where things got the most personal.

However, every time he thought on why he could never really love River his torturous mind would take the same thorny path to the closed brownish red door with the intricate golden pattern on it.

The Doctor rested his head on the flat surface in front of him. A large sigh escaped him, his shoulders sagging with it, his eyes squeezing shut in a feeble attempt to fight back the emotions that were brewing just beneath the surface.

"This isn't really supposed to be a wall in front of me is it? You're protecting me again aren't you? Protecting me from myself…" There was no response in his mind to the question, so the Doctor took it as an affirmation. A mirthless laugh came out of him.

"It's been… so long. Two regenerations. Not even counting all of the time I spent in my confession dial." The Doctor picked up his hand and placed it on the wall. Wishing he could feel the cherry wood and trace his fingers over the flower engravings crusted in gold.

"I got to spend 200 years on and off with Amy and Rory! Then there were those dark years before I met Clara again, and went off to find her. Then I got to run with Clara until Trenzalore. Oh Rassilon… Trenzalore. The slow path, for a thousand years, there I was, defending that town. Even though I was still the man who forgets, all I wanted, all I wished for, was to have had that chance at the slow path with _her_." At this point his hands curled into a fists at his side and against the wall.

"Please." He said through clenched teeth.

" _Please_ , old girl. I know I said to never let me do this to myself again- b- but I _need_ it." The Doctor pleaded with the machine, like a junkie that was desperate for another hit. But the feeling was was much more primal than that. The gap inside of him ran much deeper than a drug addict in remission. It didn't matter that he was supposedly a hundred or so years 'sober'.

His palms gripped tighter on nothing in particular, that is, besides the reign he was trying to keep on his emotions. But his resolve was crumbling underneath the pressure. Then like a dam that sprung a leak a tear slipped out of the Doctor's eye as he straightened up and turned away from the wall. But as everyone knows, one crack leads to another, until the whole system bursts and breaks down, and The Doctor was a few steps away from collapsing in on himself once again. Suddenly, a logical and self deprecating thought hit him. Even if he could be with her again, she wouldn't be able to fix him like she did last time. More than double the time had passed since he had first met her, he was much more than a broken man this time around. He wasn't even a good one anymore. With this thought his eyes opened and he dragged a palm down his face, taking the wetness away with it.

He was surprised at himself, he hadn't cried for her in over a millennia. It wasn't fair. How he was able to stretch his time with the Pond's and Clara for so long... and with River out of his life for the last time, he was just-... broken. All roads of thought led back to one little human.

The broken man took a few forceful steps forward until he heard a strange beeping coming from his jacket. A small, tiny sound. As if something had just finished baking. So, the Doctor reached into his jacket and pulled out the brand new screwdriver. Carefully, he opened it to read the message, the beeping continuing all the while. As he read it his face settled into horror but this quickly changed to disbelief. The Doctor turned back, his head whipping from the speed, to look at the wall again. Hoping beyond all hope that he would see something to affirm this new information. As he spun the world around him seemed to tilt in slow motion and in the distance the cloister bell began its tone of doom.

He ignored it.

The old man had to grab the wall to steady himself, the sight before him filling him with a whirlwind of energy, nearly knocking him over. There before him was that cherry wood door, the golden roses shining bright. It shocked him so thoroughly that he needed to grip the wall even harder because not only was _her_ door back in it's rightful place for the first time in so many years but the door was open slightly and there was a golden light that swirled out from within.


	2. Chapter 1- Correct Coordinates

*****Another chapter so soon? Yeah I know, I'm awesome. I may tack on some more to this chapter if I want to start working with a consistent length... either that or I'll compensate with a longer chapter for the next one. Let me know what you think! Reviews are greatly appreciated!*****

 **Chapter 1**

 _Correct Coordinates_

Breathing heavy he entered the console room, where the whole cavern was flooded with a flashing mauve light. He took the steps two at a time before coming to a sudden stop before the controls.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

He would have one shot at this. So he needed to do it calmly and shove his own haphazard emotions out of the way until he succeeded.

 _If_ he succeeded.

He took the screwdriver and inserted it into the console. The console dinged in response and the flashing light went off, but somewhere, faintly the cloister bell was still chiming.

"All right! There's one tiny, little gap and I've got about five minutes. More or less… Give me a big bright burning sun! Deep red preferably! Or Pink! Or Yellow! I actually don't care! As long as it's burning up and it used to be a sun!" He was flipping switches throughout his rambling, twisting dials, pressing buttons, and on the final word he flung the dematerialization lever forward. The engines started up and the time rotor pumped, then it stopped.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, YES! Now Open!" The Doctor yelled excitedly and lifted open the grate covering to the heart of the TARDIS with small effort. As soon as he did small strands of golden, sparkling light began to flow and spiral out in intricate patterns. Then he leaped back and went to the doors where he flung them open to reveal the glorious sight before him.

"Ohhh, you've got to be kidding me!" He moaned in an even thicker Scottish brogue. "If and _only_ if I'm really _really_ lucky…" HE trailed off as he dashed back to the console. Running about, dancing, laughing, of course it was the sun of the _rose_ nebula. No other would do... Maybe the universe was giving him some sort of cosmic destiny sign. He was sure if he had been on some foreign planet when his screwdriver went off, all of the signs would have changed to read the same phrase over and over again. This is always how things went when the universe decided to throw them back into each other's arms. Out of curiosity the Doctor ran back to the doors and leaned his head out to look at the sign on the front of the TARDIS over where the phone would be if this was an actual Police Box. Sure enough..

 _Bad Wolf_

 _Bad Wolf_

 _Bad Wolf_

The smile that cracked across his face threatened to split him wide open. Since when had he given himself permission to hope? That always ended badly. He practically leaped over to the console, observing for a moment how the golden light was leaking out of the open door and into blackness outside. The golden energy absorbed what was once a bright pink sun effortlessly, as if something was drinking water out of a cup with a straw... but more elegantly. Just like that the burning sun was removed from its original place in the blank space.

"More than just burning up a sun this time." He said smugly to himself. Then the doors to the TARDIS closed of their own coalition and the smile dropped from his face.

Now the hard part.

He twisted the sonic in its socket, tripling its power output into the TARDIS mainframe and then pressed a big green button. Then he was back to flipping levers, twisting dials, and typing into the TARDIS. He _had_ to get this right. There was still a gold essence in the room, which sneakily started to flow into the telepathic circuit. The Doctor glanced up after a while and laughed at the TARDIS.

"Oh, you clever sexy thing! You want to find her too! Your wolf, my pink and yellow human… and you think she might have lingering huon energy! Or maybe even just a connection to you, as well, because of everything?! Either way, brilliant!" The Doctor froze for a nanosecond at the thousands of possibilities of the effect on her had she actually retained any of the energy, even if it was a minor amount. Just then the TARDIS sent a thought into his head, **No need to worry about it now. She'll be alright if you find her, I promise. Just let how you feel about her guide you.** The Doctor nodded solemnly in response. One more deep breath and then they would be off crashing through the walls of the universes.

"Here we go, old girl." The Doctor said in a low comforting tone as he put one hand in the telepathic circuit and flipped the dematerialization lever up once again. He then quickly slipped his other hand into the fleshy circuit right next to the first. Something bit the tip of his right ring finger, and he let it. Then he only pictured her and everything she had meant to him. Focusing on how intertwined their timelines had been from the day he met her in a shop basement. He face, her eyes, her smile with the tongue poking out between her teeth… _oh that smile_.

At first... nothing happened, and for a moment he feared that nothing would. That he had just missed his only opportunity. The time rotor didn't start up and the motions of travel that usually attempted to toss him about the cabin.. Didn't happen. His hope began flying out the window, how stupid he was to let it all rushing in like that, he would have let it all go too, except for the fact that his screwdriver was still making that tiny, little beeping noise. Identifying the singular fact that the crack to Pete's world was still open.

Then… something did happen. The time rotor started to pump, and the TARDIS shook gently. Then it stopped again, but it didn't feel quite like a landing so the Doctor held his place, he didn't even open his eyes. He just kept concentrating on the one and only person he'd been wanting to see for over a thousand years. He thought about that first time on Darlig Ulv Stranden, how far he had gone just to say goodbye and it still hadn't been enough. Then there was that dreadful second time, where he had to walk away from her and leave her with his almost twin. The regret that filled him drove his longing for her to a new place. He would tell her this time, if he got the chance. _Please, give me the chance_ , he thought in desperation.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity… the TARDIS started up again with a violent, determined passion. The rocking and shaking nearly threw him from the circuit, but he held firmly, laughing partly maniacally, partly in relief, and partly in disbelief that he was actually going somewhere. The Doctor gave a yell of joy! They were going somewhere! He wasn't sure where they were going or what he would find but he hoped none of that would matter. He would find _her_ , that's what mattered. Whether she was still young or very old he would tell her how he really felt. If she still wanted him he might collapse onto her then and there. All these years had only made him wish he had done things differently. ' _Tis better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all_. He always thought Alfred was a fool for that, having fallen so quickly for so many, only to have his heart broken over and over again. The Doctor still remembered the day it finally hit home for him, how wrong he had been. How holding back had only made him more regretful. Even if letting himself indulge would have hurt more in the long run, it would hurt less than the pain of regret. Third time's the charm. If she even gave him the time of day… but oh if she would...

Just the thought of seeing her before him in the flesh and not just as some tormented dream his mind created to torture him, made his heart swell and race at the same time.

A resounding thud sounded throughout the TARDIS just before it went dead quiet. The Doctor slipped his hands from the gooeyness and pulled the materialization lever down fully. The lights dimmed a moment and for a millisecond he thought he may have killed the TARDIS again by coming across the void. But they came back on even brighter in response to his worry, before settling into low power mode for safety reasons.

There would be no hopping about in this universe, anywhere he would have to go he would need to do so by foot or other means of normal human transportation. He thought for a moment on Bessie and wished he could have stored her somewhere within the TARDIS' massive transdimensional main frame. Only one trip back, it was all the power his old girl had. One safe return trip to the proper universe. Luckily though he had three weeks to make the return trip before the gap closed to the other side. Mere minutes in one universe could be weeks in another. In this instance he was glad for the time shift, although it might prove to be bad thing in the long run. He couldn't tell yet though.

The Doctor sighed and removed his sonic from the console, double checking his pockets for all the usual supplies. Psychic paper, snacks, toothbrush, sonic screwdriver, yo-yo… everything seemed to be in place. Unfortunately, he couldn't verify for sure where he was in this moment. He could wager a fairly decent guess, however, that he had landed on a beach in Norway. After all, that was the thought that really propelled the TARDIS forward. It was where he had the strongest memories of this world and this universe.

The grey haired man took a few long strides and found himself in front of the police box doors. He heard the TARDIS in his mind, a reassuring sound giving him one last mental push to open the door and step out on the sandy, cold beach.

The sky was overcast with grey clouds that had a slight glow to them and it was about seven degrees with a slight wind. The Doctor couldn't feel the slight chill that he should have, instead adrenaline coursed through his system proving him immune to the weather conditions. There was an air of electricity and determination surrounding him. In the distance the Doctor spotted a Zepplin and sighed in relief.

He had made it.

Pete's world.

 _Her_ world.

Soon enough he would see her again. He would once again be in the warmth of her gaze, within her light again. It had been more than twelve hundred years. So, so, _so_ many lifetimes.

He could wait a few more hours, or days if that's what it took.

He _would_ find her.


	3. Chapter 2- Talks with Torchwood

***Another chapter so soon? I know, this chapter a day thing might not last, but I'm really trying. And I can only go as fast as the writing fairy blesses me with good ideas and consistent writing. Pip pip. Review please! Thanks to the three guests who have reviewed so far! You're all adorable and sweet, thanks for the thoughts. Also thanks to all of you that followed. Let me know what you think is going on, guess and what not int he reviews!***

 **Chapter 2**

 _Talks with Torchwood_

The Doctors POV

Darlig Ulv Stranden was a very long coastline beach in the middle of no-where Norway. I walked the entire length of the beach, which was about 20 kilometers, before coming across an old and worn down road that curved by the beach. Without having the faintest clue which direction was better, I decided on the more direct path and kept walking. About another 2 kilometers down the road was when I saw my first sign of civilization on the horizon.

Conveniently or inconveniently enough it was merely an abandoned vehicle. A sigh escaped my lips as I circled the compact vehicle. After I had surveyed the outside I decided on opening the boot to see if perchance anything useful had been left behind. Of course I found nothing. The small grey battery car was definitely not to my taste, but it was easier to tinker with via assistance of my handy dandy screwdriver, if necessary.

Reaching within the reserves of my bigger on the inside pockets I procured my sonic device and aimed it at the driver's side door. The mechanics clicked into an unlocked position and I pulled the door open to slide behind the wheel. Strangely enough, it was a bit dusty and musty inside the car. As if it had been sitting on the side of the road for quite sometime, even though from the outside appearance and by normal standards, abandoned cars never lasted that long in one place. Either they were towed away or their owner eventually came back for them. How peculiar.

I had thought I might find a motor vehicle, but certainly not anything this nice and certainly not one in as good of condition as this. Then I noticed the keychain dangling from the ignition and my interest in this situation momentarily peaked. Now this was a very, very strange coincidence. Usually, I never ever ignore coincidence but I was on a mission that was on a bit of a time crunch. So until this situation proved dangerous, I would continue to ignore this set of peculiarities.

As a precaution I glanced in the back seat, opened the glove box, and any other crevices I could find in the small car. It wasn't until I pulled down the sun blocker that a little piece of paper fluttered into my lap. Curiouser and Curiouser. I picked it up and examined the simple loose leaf. Upon it in pretty, even styled print was the simple phrase - _Just in case I'm ever stranded here again-_. A chill slid down my spine… something unlike anything I have felt in a long time. It was a strange combination of dread, hope, and trepidation all swirled together that stirred in me. Something about the handwriting, or the phrasing really got to me and suddenly my guilt tripled. If that was even possible at this point.

FInally, I turned the keys in the ignition and the car engine puttered to life. The electronics on the dash lit up in bright almost neon color and the radio came on with a slight static hum. No music filtered into the car, despite my hoping. I desperately needed something to fill the silence with, something that would distract me from my swirling thoughts. I fiddled with the tuning knob for a while before I finally got some poor quality classical music.

Suddenly, a ringing noise filled the car, as if there was a telephone. I searched everywhere before my eyes landed on the phone button on the rearview mirror. Gently I pressed it, hoping nothing bad would happen.

"Hello? Hello? Who is this? Sorry, I'm gonna need to borrow this car. I'm a bit stranded, but I promise I'll put it back as soon as I can." I answered in a hurried manner, noticing how my accent really thickened in my explanation. A whirring noise sounded out of the speakers before a garbled male voice answered him in a very posh accent.

"Quite alright sir, not many people head out that far in Norway this time of year. May I inquire about your business with the vehicle? We registered that you used alien tech to unlock the vehicle and it popped up on our equipment down here." The man seemed rather calm considering he was technically speaking to a carjacker. An alien carjacker none the less, who was probably stealing _his_ car.

"Where exactly is _here_ for you, sir?" I quipped back at him, momentarily avoiding his question.

"Torchwood base one here in London, sir. It's gonna be quite a trip if you're heading this way. You're out on the coast, it's about a 21 hour drive." My hand gripped tighter on the steering wheel at the mention of Torchwood. Why on Earth would Torchwood have a spare car out on the coast of Norway. My mind only came up with one obvious answer. It had to be her. I remember how she told me that she'd been working with Torchwood for the two years we were separated. After the second time being stranded on the beach, maybe as a hopeful precaution she left the car there. Or maybe Torchwood knew there was a weak point in the universes out here.

"Sir, I'm sorry to ask again, but what is your business on Darlig Ulv Stranden?" The male voice asked again. I always hated talking to a bodiless voice, so much harder to read the person. Just like when you hug someone, you can't trust them because you can't see their face. Same concept here, except worse.

"Ohh, I was just passing through and I got a bit lost." I evaded easily.

"Well, it's not a very easy area to pass through, it's surrounded by mountains. So you must have had _some_ intention in being there?" The man pressed further and I narrowed my eyes at the rear view mirror and considered my options. Chances were high that they had planted a tracking device in the car, so it's not like I could get very far. Also, the probability was high that these people could help me find her. So, I guess that means it's time to take a leap.

"Okay, you got me. I'm actually looking for someone. She used to be a friend of mine and I sorta lost touch. Anyway, could you help me? I actually think she used to be an associate of yours." The silence that ensued my question made me a bit nervous. As if the person behind the microphone was discussing my question with a third party.

"Sir, why don't you just sit back and we'll get you directed to our headquarters. Any questions you have can be answered here. And we certainly have a few for you." With that a click sounded throughout the car and the half static half classical music resumed in the car. Something about the way the conversation had ended and just who I had been talking to gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. My eyes flicked over to the GPS screen which I hadn't noticed had come to life. It showed my driving path and how long it would take to reach. Good thing I didn't need sleep. I could get there by mid-afternoon tomorrow.

One step closer to her.

Midday the next day I had reached the intended destination in the GPS. I parked the small car carefully on the crowded street and withdrew the keys from the ignition. With a groan that could only accompany age I shoved open the car door and felt the familiar pin and needle sensation as the blood started to flow properly to my extremities once more. I needed a good cat nap and a thorough stretching before I was really ready to walk into whatever dangers may lay ahead, but it seemed I wouldn't be given the chance. I turned to my left to shut the car door and saw two people with ear pieces standing against the building I had parked next to.

"Impatient lot, aren't you Torchwood? I ran into your kind a while ago before a friend of mine overtook the corporation, tossed it completely upside down and landed on his feet. Just like a well balanced cat. Anyway, he was better than a cat, had _way_ more lives than one. Anyway, Made it better than it was. _Anyway_ , different time different world. Speaking of which, do you have UNIT on this planet?" I rambled on, hoping one of them would give me some sort of indication or reaction to my strange words. Nothing of course. One simply nodded for me to follow, and they both started walking off down the pavement. Well, I suppose it was better than the handcuffs I had anticipated. All though the silent treatment didn't exactly bode well either.

I quickly scampered after the tall man, and slightly shorter woman just after closing the car door and locking it with a beep. They rounded a corner and came to an abrupt stop where the woman reached out and pressed a nearly invisible button on the side of the building. Then in a very clever fashion, the pavement piece we were standing on descended into the Earth, walker-bys paying absolutely no attention to us.

"Some sort of perception filter on the lift then, yeah? So no average person really notices it?"

"Precisely sir. Do you have an eye for _different_ technologies?" The woman asked me, glancing slightly back over her shoulder as she took off the sunglasses she had previously been wearing.

"Oh, you could say that, yeah. Bit of a traveler me, I've picked up a lot of things." I answered vaguely. Best not to give them a definite answer. If they didn't know who I was already, no need to give them a reason to perform tests on me. The shaft we were traveling down was glassy almost in the way it looked, but you couldn't see through it. Then finally about thirty meters down the shaft opened up and you could see a large tan room with gold accents here and there. A large machine adorned the entirety of one wall, but the rest of the room was an assorted amount of fancy computers, desks, and other work stations. A medical station was off to one side and there was what looked like a glass conference room off to the other side. There were three offshoots of the space that could lead almost anywhere. It was anyone's guess what they were or where they led.

"This way sir, the director would like a word with you." The man directed him with a gesture in the direction of the conference room, where outside of it stood a man in a suit with strawberry blonde hair that was going thin at the top and a half smile on his face. As I approached the man walked off down the hallway next to the glass room, and turned into an open doorway. I followed him cautiously but was careful not to take too much time in my observations. When I finally entered the room a few seconds behind the man, he reached his hand out to me in a manner to shake it as he closed the door.

"Hello, sir. Good to finally talk in person! I'm the director of this establishment, everyone around here calls me 'T'. I'm Director T of T, or otherwise Torchwood. And you are?" My hand gripped his firmly and as he introduced himself he led me to a seat in the quaint little office. It was simply furnished but the walls were covered in writings and pictures. Everything around me was reference to something alien or a current investigation regarding it. I smiled at the man in front of me and introduced myself. Choosing for the first time in a while to go with a half truth and a half lie.

"I'm John Foreman. Doctor Foreman is what I usually go by but just John or Doctor will also do. Interesting establishment you've got here, T. It seems you investigate things of an alien nature." I placated in an even tempered voice. The man before me simply smiled, and leaned forward in his office chair.

"Correct you are, John. And it would appear you know a bit about that too, since you haven't reacted surprised to any of the goings on around you. As well as the sonic waves we picked up unlocking the car. Not to mention the double heart and respiratory bypass system our scanners picked up on your lift ride down here. You're not human are you?" T asked giving me an inquisitive yet appraising look. I narrowed my eyes a bit at him. Now this was the Torchwood I had come to expect. An organization that wanted to know every detail about you with or without your consent. But I quickly schooled away my judgemental gaze and just nodded my head.

"Right you are, sir. Not from around here, you see. Except I'm not exactly sure where I'm from. I've always been on Earth as far as I can remember. And I can't remember very far. Which is why I'm looking for someone." I rattled off the top of my head calmly. My instincts were tingling that something wasn't quite right here. Nothing necessarily malicious or bad of any sort, but something wasn't quite right. As if the time stream had gone wrong somewhere along the line and now something critical was missing from its proper place. T regarded me warily for a moment before nodding in understanding.

"This person you're looking for… do you think they might have a clue as to what you are? Or how you came to be here?" This surprised me. I had expected a more probing question about my intention, or my abilities, or what else I remembered. But T seemed for all intents and purposes to be trying to keep the conversation light and friendly. Perhaps trying to keep me comfortable so I wouldn't feel the need to run.

"I certainly hope so." Though my answer was short, I could see that T didn't need more he just nodded and gestured to the empty air next to him.

"Well, what do you know about this person? A name? Age? Appearance? Job description?" T rattled off the various possibilities and I smiled for a moment, before ducking my head down and clearing my throat. This was the moment of truth.

"In one of my memories of her I called her the 'Defender of Earth', I really don't know if that helps though?" I laughed a bit at that and T laughed with me.

"Well, here at Torchwood we like to consider ourselves the defenders of Earth against hostile aliens. So, that would fit her job description if she worked with us. And it's a woman you say?"

"Yes, yes. A young woman. R- Rose Tyler was her name. She would have started working here round abou-"

"Rose Tyler? Are you sure, John?" T cut me off and gave me the most astonished and peculiar look. Almost as if he was seeing a ghost. He shook his head, and rolled back from his desk, turning to a filing cabinet which he opened and began sorting through. Looking for a file suppose. I was, however, having issues thinking straight. My heart was beating erratically all the way up into my throat. It was the first time I had spoken her name aloud in over a thousand years. The way this tongue wrapped around her name felt so funny and right all at the same time. My hands were shaking slightly, and I had to clench them together in an attempt to regain control.

"Positive, actually. Rose Marion Tyler. She had blonde hair, and was about 22 or 23 when I last saw her. I really hope she can help me figure things out." I confirmed T's question and continued more with my lie. Hoping he hadn't noticed my shaking hands or the way I reacted to just saying her name. T stopped rifling through the drawer as he pulled out a singular, thin file and dropped it on the desk in front of me.

"I- I thought I had heard her name for the last time about ten years ago." T said in a strange wistful tone as he plopped back into his char. His hand was rubbing his temples in a sign of stress or worry. I glanced for a moment at the yellowish colored file before me with her name printed in plain script on the tab before looking back up at T and taking note of his age. I could barely see his timeline just around him. He was in his mid to late fifties and his timeline was a peculiar thing. As if it was one in a million he was even alive, but overall didn't hold that much importance in any world. It was just something about the way he said that ominous statement that made my gut twist in a painful way.

Maybe I was too late in her time stream. Perhaps she had already lived out her life with my twin and she was gone now. No reason for me to even be in this world. I glanced back down at the file and grabbed it carefully, as if it might break. Carefully still, I fingered open the thing and there on the inside was a profile picture of _her._ Her hair was brown and a little longer than shoulder length. She wore a pink sweater and a serene look on her face, almost as if she was in concentration. I smiled at the sight, it was something new to me. I had never seen her with her natural hair color and it looked just as good on her as the blonde had. She looked just as beautiful as I always remembered and pictured her.

Then my eyes scanned over to the side where the typed information was. All black script and typewriter font. I read none of it however, because over the top of all her basic information in bright red stamped ink was one word that stopped my hearts. Sure enough there was her full name, birthdate, height, weight, and location… but over all of that was one word that certainly could and just might shatter my everything.

 _Deceased._


	4. Chapter 3- Fighting Forever

****Finally getting some insight on what happened to Rose! Let me know what you think at the bottom! Reviews are greatly appreciated!****

 **Chapter 3**

 _Fighting Forever_

*Last time*

 _Sure enough, there was her full name, birthdate, height, weight, location… but over all of that was one word that certainly could and just might shatter my everything._

 _Deceased._

*This time*

Doctor

My breathing quickly became erratic and I had to swallow multiple times just to attempt regulating it. But my mind was racing and there was pain stabbing through my gut simultaneously as the information seared through my brain. I quickly closed the file and dropped it back on the desk as my other hand gripped the armrest of the chair. I watched my knuckles turn white and had to physically and mentally restrain myself from the want to crack the poor pine chair.

I couldn't accept it. There was no way she was gone too. The TARDIS wouldn't have let me land in this time if she wasn't here. She had too strong of a connection to the TARDIS and with me, after all it's what led me here. Then again… maybe the TARDIS let me come here so I could have closure? But there was just no way she was dead. There was no logical reason I would have ever landed in a time stream where she had already expired. I could still feel it somewhere inside, despite the knife that was slowly twisting its way further into my gut. For some foolish reason I was still allowing myself the grievance of hope. Idiot in a box, that's me.

"Doctor Foreman? I'm sorry to have you find out like this, do you need water or something?" A pause, "Doctor-"

"I'm fine." I quipped at the man after realizing he had been trying to get my attention for quite some time, in the meanwhile I had been too lost in the torrent that was my train of thought. "I just, I-..." My mouth was failing me. Traitorous emotions. I didn't need nor want this stranger to see this side of me. "When did it happen? What happened? And what about her… husband?"

"Husband?!" T had an alarmed look on his face at the notion, then gave me a very strange look when he realized I was quite serious.

"Yeah, tall man, real thin, sticky uppity hair, maybe a bit.. eccentric…" I listed off the base qualities of my past self. T just continued to give me a strange, almost fish face sort of look, before something flitted across his face that I didn't quite catch.

"Well, I'm positive she was never married, she wasn't the type. She used to talk about this guy though… talked about him like he was her whole world but always said he was in different world now, so it didn't matter anymore. Obviously must have been a boyfriend that died or something, since she always talked about him in the past tense. Well, there was no one else for her, that much was clear." T explained slowly, then his gaze drifted off to his right as if deep in his memories. I remained quiet. I felt that if I could keep up this sombering countenance then T may continue to feel inclined. So, I simply nodded at him and looked down at my hands, giving T as much privacy as I could while he explained things that _almost_ sounded personal to him.

T sighed and continued with his explanations, a bit hesitantly at first, almost as if it pained him to talk about _her._

"You were right, obviously, she used to work here. Used to run the place from the beginning, practically. She was a bit of a work-a-holic, our Rose, never wanted to stop. Especially those first few years. I was told there was a sadness and determination about her that drove her 'till she finally succeeded at her first project…Course I was only a baby at the time, couldn't know for myself. Then shortly after that she became… even sadder. Something had happened to her. Rose was always a very loving and compassionate person, more so than anyone else who worked here, but she became very reckless. She always wanted everyone to survive, needed it practically, but she didn't think she needed to survive. So, she was willing to do things no one else was." T sighed again and rubbed his temples with the index finger and thumb of his left hand. "She… she took a bomb into a hostile alien ship. Said it was 'insurance'. Sontaran's is what they were called. She wanted to give 'em a chance to run away. Said it was the right thing to do. But, of course, they didn't so she went up with them and their ship. Even though she managed to teleport back here, the.. Damage was too severe. So-" T cleared his throat and stopped.

While he spoke I had been drawn to look at him, and watch his face to see if there was truth to what he said. The moment he couldn't finish out what happened to her, I had to look away. The way he talked, it was like he was there first hand. Holding her as she died. I didn't like the look in his eyes, I couldn't handle the truth I saw there. He was affecting me. Either he is the single best liar I have ever met or-

No, I wouldn't consider it. No matter how well he spoke, he may even believe it, it wasn't true. Even as I repeated that mantra to myself, it was still scaring me and my breathing was becoming shallow again. If I couldn't get a grip soon I would become hysterical.

"Anyway. That was nearly thirty years ago now. It nearly killed her mother. But, Jackie had her husband so she kept going. Jackie only died about ten years back now. If everything would have gone well Rose would be about seventy now, settled and comfy." T said almost listlessly and there was a strange haunted look in his eyes.

"Life deals us weird hands sometimes." T said in finality, then he started observing me just like I had just been doing to him. I didn't try to cover what I was feeling,didn't want to, there was no need. The gravity of my age had suddenly hit me and I felt so old and tired. The hope I had been clinging onto so dearly was quickly slipping from my grasp. The way he said she died… it was so very _me._ Selfless, defender of Earth. Fighting the fight forever, or till the end eventually comes. Actually, it sounded a lot like how I acted when I was traveling alone and I had no one to stop me. The story of her life was almost perfect, almost believable too. The thing that had me caught up in my hope still was the lack of a mention of the meta-crisis. He _had_ to be somewhere, and if _not_ …

"Are you sure there was no mention of the man I described?" I had to ask again because if there really wasn't.. Then there definitely was something wrong in this universe. My clone wouldn't have been the quiet type, he would have wanted to help this planet, be the resident genius. And he _definitely_ wouldn't have left Rose on her own if he had a choice. _Unless he was dead, too._

"None, sorry. She was never very descriptive on the appearance of her mystery man. Said it didn't matter to her, that he could have a thousand different faces and still feel the same." T smiled a bit at that. "Like I said, no one else for her. Bit of a romantic, that one." I nodded at the sentiment, surprised that her feelings toward me had rubbed off so thoroughly on this third party.

"Where is she then… um… buried?" I winced at my own question, my mind flashing with gruesome and depressing images of death. Of _her_ death. I tried to flush them out but instead a montage began to roll through my mind. Memories.

Platform one, when the sun shield descended. Cardiff basement, all those walking corpses ready to kill us. The cabinet room in Downing street. The Dalek in America. The slitheen that had her by the throat. The Game station, the AnnDroid, the Daleks _again_ , her mind burning permanently. Every win, every time I had saved her, turning to her gruesome death before my eyes. Werewolves ripping her apart, Krillitanes eating her, clockwork droids piercing her with their spears, her being turned into a Cyberman, her forever faceless, Satan burning her from the inside out.

When she lost her grip on the lever, but instead she just keeps falling into the void, screaming in pain. Then she's just gone and when I walk to the wall I can't even feel her imprint on the other side. Everything in astonishing technicolor, things I haven't thought about in detail in hundreds of years giving me daytime horrors. Then our last adventure, Davros electrocuting her, the Daleks using the Reality Bomb on her in front of me. I was falling down a deep dark pit of despair, except this time I wasn't on the floor crying out in agonizing pain. This time the Great Intelligence hadn't jumped into my timeline to ruin my life. This time it was my own mind creating the things I had seen a thousand times in my dreams during the middle of the day.

T gave me a small smile and leaned his forearms on the desk, oblivious to my nuclear mental state. "I can take you there, in a bit, if you like? For some reason you don't seem the 'hostile alien' type." He laughed a bit at his own joke but I could only give him a semi-smirk, my eyebrows furrowing as I looked down at my fingers. All the things I put her through and I was _selfish_ to think that she might want to see me! Travel with me again even! Old age really has made me a batty old fool, with no more sense. Over a thousand years of grievance, of grieving her, and I've lost my sense of logic. The sadness I felt was threatening to overtake me. What would happen after _this_? I visit her grave, talk to what's left of her family, then take that little stupid car all the way back to Norway, and take that final trip across the void? Suddenly it was like the room was shrinking and I needed to be anywhere but inside of it.

"I'm sorry, I-.. I-" My voice faltered as I scrambled from my seat and out of the room. I followed my instincts and quickly found a secondary exit. I knew T would follow me soon, but for now I needed the air and the freedom.

Director T

I wasn't in the least bit surprised when the man before me sprang from his chair and left the room. He had been like a ticking bomb of emotion and there was only so many options he had to try and take it all in. Even though he was apparently an 'alien', he was by far more human than most humans I know these days. Something about him made me want to trust him, and I knew he needed the space.

I casually reached across the desk and picked up Rose's file where John had discarded it. Had it really been thirty years since everything changed? The day the tail end of my childhood was forced into an abrupt ending, and I became hyper aware of the danger in the universe. The day I had filed Rose's death file had truly been a profound one for me and my family. Thirty-four years, a whole lifetime, a whole bunch of _time_. It has passed me by. And after mom died in 2050 I thought I had heard of Rose Tyler for the last time.

Then this older gentleman… this Doctor John Foreman… which I sincerely doubted that was his real name, had appeared and asked about her. A man with a thousand stories and a thousand emotions in his eyes. Perhaps even a thousand years. The way I could see his heart break in front of me… it made me think… that maybe… No. But still, didn't hurt to inform a higher authority about his peculiarness. I laughed a bit at that thought. ' _Higher Authority'_

I reached over into my desk drawer and pulled out my cellular device. The moment my thumb touched it, the dialing began. Knowing my intentions immediately, that's modern technology for you. I set it on the desk top and the video image pulled up, just a blank white thing while it rang. It rang for almost seven rings but halfway through the seventh a female voice came from the device but no image appeared to go along with it.

"Bit busy Tone. Getting shot at, evading things, etcetera. Call later?" Came the northern ish female voice in a very hushed manner.

"Just quick, dear, there's been a man here asking about Rose Tyler. Peculiar bloke, very emotional for an alien. Just about broke the chair when he read her file." I rambled on quickly, a poor attempt at hurrying along the conversation.

"You let an _alien_ see our _files_?! Have you lost it! It could easily be an act. We can't give him anything else, you _know_ that. And you know _why_. Neither of us want to face 'you know who'." Came her chastising response.

"Yeah, yeah, I know but you should _see_ him. He's nothing like the one's from year's ago that Dad had to deal with. And, get this! He drove the car that was by Darlig Ulv Stranden all the way to London. Just to ask about-"

"This man took the car in _Norway_?" There was a pause and I could hear her take a breath, then there was a bunch of scuffling and the sound of an auto gun firing a few times before the scuffling stopped and I just heard heavy breathing from the other side. "Anything else?" Her voice came out much more breathy this time, clearly she was busy.

"He's an older Scott's man, says he's go no memories. He's part alien for sure and may have thorough knowledge of them. He unlocked the car with a sonic device."

"Did you procure the device off of him to determine its type?"

"Screwdriver." I answered simply and waited a few moments. When her reply came through finally, it was even more breathy and a touch of her mum's Scottish had found it's way into her voice.

"I'll get there tomorro'. Once this is settled." Then the other side went silent and the electronic white screen closed off.

I sighed to myself. Maybe if Mel thought he was reason enough to come home then I should be keeping closer tabs on him. With that thought, I stood and grabbed the clear cellular device off the desk before making my way out of my office.

Time to go find John.

 ****So, who do you guys think T is? Or the mystery woman on the phone? Or any theories about Rose or the story at all? Let me know what you guys think! Till next time!*****


	5. Chapter 4- The Candor and the Calm

**Chapter 4**

 _The Calm and the Candor_

Doctor

Outside, the busy streets of London didn't exactly prove a reprieve to the chaotic thoughts consuming my brain. Though the fresh air was managing to regulate my breathing somewhat, the buildings surrounding me weren't helping with the overwhelming feeling of claustrophobia. All I really needed in this moment was the TARDIS to take me back into the vortex, to some far away galaxy to just watch the stars and … breathe. Hopefully to forget all that I had learned in the last hour. Would it be better just to not know? To just go on thinking she lived out her life happily with the Meta-Crisis? That she didn't live the rest of her life feeling utterly abandoned by the one man she truly loved?

There it was again, that pressing feeling on my chest. This is the feeling I get anytime I confront my demons, or run head first into my past. Those doors that I have shut and locked so firmly in my mind, hiding those rooms with their deep dark secrets. Confronting everything I felt for Rose and deciding on a whim to chase it… just to find out she was dead. It was like kicking down that door and rifling through every drawer, up turning everything in that room only to be left in the utter destruction of the once pristine room. A room that, really, never needed to be opened again. Look what I've done.

Somewhere in the battlefield that was my brain, my diligent feet had found their way to the nearest expanse of green, a public park. I sighed thankfully before making my way onto a small pasture, to the largest tree I could find. A very wide oak stood before me, so I placed my palm to it and sent a mental greeting to the strong being. Then I, not very gracefully, collapsed onto the trunk and slid down so I was sitting at the base. My hand covered my eyes for a moment before I rubbed it down my face trying desperately to eliminate some of the tension that was radiating through my body.

When I finally lifted my palm and opened my eyes I was able to witness the gorgeous blue sky before me, dotted with small fluffy white clouds. I smiled a bit, so very unlike London. But it wasn't really my London, so the weather patterns could be completely opposite for all I could wager. I hadn't spent enough time in the parallel world on previous occasions. I bet Rose would have liked a day like today. _It's just...That's just… That's amazing! I'll never get used to this, never. Different ground beneath my feet. Different sky. What's that smell?_ Apple Grass. _Apple grass. It's beautiful. Oh, I love this. Can I just say, traveling with you… I love it._ Me too. Always, traveling with her. The memory of her was so vivid for a moment I could almost smell the apple grass, I could almost feel her hands on my arm, see the way the wind was tossing her hair everywhere, then the moment I took her hand in mine and went off running. The surprised noise she made followed by that gorgeous laugh. They say to make a girl fall in love with you, you've got to make her laugh. The only problem is… every time she laughs you fall more and more in love.

That was our first real adventure since I had regenerated into sandshoes. I was still so worried that at any moment she would reject me, so I started putting her at arms length while at the same time pulling her as close as possible. Hugging, cuddling, holding hands. At the time that new body craved Rose almost every moment of the day, it was practically made for her. My previous self with all the leather and ears had died to save her because she had almost died saving me and the universe. Memories of so long ago kept bobbing up to the surface only to flutter back down, it seemed the only way to draw me out of my pit of darkness was to bask in the memory of her light. Isn't that how people healed properly when grieving?

I shook my head to myself. The grieving process for her wouldn't begin until I knew for sure I would never see her again. I couldn't let myself walk down the path of pessimism and darkness until I knew for absolute certainty. She isn't-

My thoughts started on a new analytical turn, thinking about every which way 'Director T' had proven to be peculiar. First off, not revealing his full name. Secondly, having me walked into the facility as if I was a fugitive only to let me have complete reign once inside their facility. Third, allowing me to view Rose's file, whic, must certainly not be part of company policy. Fourth, scanning me without my knowledge, but not bothering to question my origins further than my pathetic lie of amnesia. Fifth, the way he recounted everything about Rose as a distant memory. As if they were very close, but it was a long time ago. Sixth, that he even bothered to mention Jackie.

Suddenly, I had to jump to my feet as my brain began working in hyper drive. The idiot I was, I had completely forgotten to check the date. I dashed to the nearest couple on a picnic blanket and snached the clear tablet device out of the man's hand. His protestation was obvious but his surprise kept him in place for the moment, I quickly located the date that was in the top right corner.

"The fourth of April 2061.." I said to myself in an astonished tone as I sloppily handed the device back to the man who was giving me the 'this guy is crazy' look. I meandered back over to my sitting spot and let out a giant huff as I slid down oak once again. Over _fifty years_ had passed since the last time I landed on Darlig Ulv Stranden. It certainly compensated for my twelve hundred years. It was almost equal to the amount of life had passed in her human life. Even if she was still alive and well, settled somewhere in witness protection, she might not even remember me… because that was just the luck I had. She was probably somewhere, wrinkly, feisty, and still beautiful. Under a different name, in a different country, hidden away from prying eyes that might want to harvest her remaining huon energy. Or something of the like. With no clone of mine to protect her. An abnormal lonely life as she slowly went batty.

I had to quickly crawl out of that dark hole I was once again descending into. I couldn't start thinking like that again or I might relapse into my previous fettered state. Think logically, think sensibly. Time is of the essence. Of course! Director T! What on Earth could the T stand for? Someone who had known Rose personally… Who had known Jackie! My mind flashed with an image of Rose as another memory began to play...

" _There's five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey, ...and the baby." "You're not..." "No." She laughs at the notion, "It's Mum. She's three months gone. More Tyler's on the way."_ Then another of the usual Jackie sass only this time it was my clone she was talking to. " _I was pregnant, do you remember? Had a baby boy." "Ah, brilliant, what did you call him?" "Doctor." "Really?" "No, you plum. He's called Tony."_ TONY! Of course! The legitimate son of Jackie Tyler and parallel world Pete Tyler! Tony Tyler Director of Torchwood. Boy, that was a lot of T's. I hate alliteration, no wonder he just goes by T. He decided to take after his sister, helping to defend the Earth. Well, in that case if Rose _is_ still alive somewhere, he probably is just protecting her! Suddenly the pain and emotion in Tony's voice when talking about her became very clear. He easily could have been there when she came back a mangled mess from the Sontaran ship. He may have been late teens or early twenties, It might have even been his first exposure to the world of aliens.

I smiled to myself a bit, as I finally was able to uncover a bit of the mystery that was sprawled out before me. That's when I heard Tony's voice call out to me, and looked up to see him jogging over to me.

"Hey John! How are you doing? Nice spot you found here isn't it?" Tony commented as he sat next to me against the tree. New plan, truth time. If this man really was Jackie's son, he might be more inclined to tell me things if he knew about how I really know Rose. Maybe even if I share a few stories from my perspective. Best let him ask the questions though, can't seem to eager to get what I want.

"Better now thanks, Tony." I said giving him a pointed look, Tony gave me an incredulous look and opened his mouth to speak but I simply held up a finger to stop him. "Before you begin asking all the questions you want about me, I should tell you that when you suspected I was lying earlier… I was. I'm not Doctor John Foreman, it's just the Doctor. Secondly, I don't have some strange bout of amnesia, all of my memories are quite intact I just wasn't sure if I could trust you until a short while ago when I realised who you are. Thirdly, you're Rose's baby brother, Jackie's son. Tony Tyler, I had almost forgotten she had a child when she found this place. I've got a lot of memories to sort through but I got there. Anyway, nice to really meet you. I'm the Doctor." Then I flashed him a smile and stuck out my hand. Tony looked at me dazed for a moment before shaking it off and giving me back another smile and taking my hand.

"It's a pleasure sir. Yes, I had guessed at your deception but for some reason I still chose to trust you. So, if I may inquire _what_ exactly are you?" Tony was remarkably calm, and for the most part I had expected this. As someone who probably deals with aliens on a fairly regular basis, it probably wasn't too strange to be sitting with one at the park on a sunny day. Okay, maybe a little unusual possibly. But that was mostly due to the weather.

"I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey. It's a planet in a different universe, parallel to this one actually." Tony nodded with me, taking in the different universe information then clasping his hands together before asking his next question.

"How come you look human?"

"How come you look Time Lord?" I quipped back. He gave me an astonished sort of look before simply shrugging. "Time Lords are an ancient race, so technically Humans look Time Lord, but we really don't need to dwell on that."

"Alright, alright. I get you. So, what are the differences then?" Tony asked leaning back and looking up to the sky, probably trying to process the new information to add to an internal alien catalogue.

"Life span, and a couple biological things. Respiratory bypass system, double heart, telepathic capabilities with other sentient beings, a few other abilities, and increased brain capacity for the short list." Tony laughed a bit, reminding me of his father despite how well he was handling all of this.

"The _short_ list. Right. Well then, how old are _you_?" Ah, now we were finally getting to the interesting things.

"Well.. that's tricky. I think somewhere upwards of two thousand, but things have gotten a bit tricky recently so I'm not entirely sure. I'm also not very good at keeping track of those sorts of things." I heard a low whistle come from Tony and I had to chuckle to myself.

"We must seem like ants to you." Tony said, and turned to look at me. But my gaze remained trained on the sky.

"Not at all. You guys, you little apes, are the most important thing. You remind me to see the things I tend to forget with a lifespan this long." Tony nodded appreciatively and let his head drop back to the trunk of the tree.

"So, how and when did you meet her?" He asked me in a more hushed tone. I suppose he was trying to keep me from panicking again or something. But I just smiled at the memory that came to mind.

"I was a little over nine-hundred when I first met her. I blew up her job, actually. Then for some reason I just ran into her the next day. A few times, which was odd. I never usually meet the same person twice, let alone three times. Then she saved my life from the Nestene Consciousness and some shop window dummies. I grabbed her hand and told her to run. And we didn't stop running for quite some time. She wanted it to last forever." I mused about how things had all started. How all the clues about the living dummies kept leading me back to her. It didn't have to be her, it could have been anyone. But it was her and I've never been more glad of anything in my life. Stubborn blonde woman, I might have grabbed her hand and told her to run, but she's what kept me running.

"Not a very conventional way of meeting someone is it?" Tony chuckled at me. Then his face dropped into a more solemn look. "It's you, isn't it? You're her mystery man from another world…" It wasn't really a question the way Tony said it, like he had been thinking it for a while and I finally confirmed it. "She used to tell me stories… Now the aliens I could believe… but the travelling in time? I always thought she was being a bit eccentric when she told those ones." Tony paused, and looked over at me again. "But you can, can't you? You've got a magical box that travels through time and space. And you swept her up and took her to places I can't even dream of. It was you." Tony mused, getting a look of almost approval and respect on his face, towards me of all people.

"Well, it's not magic. That's for sure. It's a very specific science. She's a sentient time and space ship that contains her own dimension of sorts. It's really quite complicated. I don't want to bore you." I waved my hands about for a moment before reigning them in. A trait that lingered from my previous body, hands flapping about as I talked, that is. Tony was staring at me, a question in his eyes, debating whether or not he would ask it. It was making me slightly nervous.

"How long has it been since you last saw her?"

"Twelve hundred years." I said, keeping level headed with him.

"Why did it take you twelve hundred years to come back for her?" Tony said narrowing his eyes, and getting defensive. I smiled a little half smile, I could see he cared for his sister.

"Parallel universe. I couldn't come through or else both universes would collapse. Long time ago though, I set a program on this… uh… device of mine to search for gaps in the universe. You see, they pop up from time to time. But the program wasn't complete until a few hundred years ago and all this time it never found an opening until a day ago. Even then I only had minutes to attempt the voyage across the void. It was very risky. But I just _had_ to. Even though it's been twelve hundred years I-" I couldn't finish the sentence. I still couldn't say it out loud, how I felt. How I thought about her almost every day she wasn't there. How often I went to her door and begged the TARDIS to let me in. How I tried to forget her face, her voice, laugh, smile… and I couldn't. She was so firmly seared onto my hearts.

"You never stopped thinking about her. Even with how impossible everything was, no matter how much time passed…" Tony trailed off and finally we were able to sit in silence together. A few minutes passed, birds flew around us and kids laughed and screamed from a nearby playground.

"We were the stuff of legend." I said with finality and Tony just nodded, then a large sigh escaped him.

"I'm sorry, Doctor." He said, turning to me and giving me an earnest look. A depth and sympathy in his eyes.

"What for?"

"You've lost her twice now. Nobody deserves that." The sincerity of his sentiment made me feel a way I couldn't describe. I hated being pitied, but for just this once, I would accept it. I didn't have the heart to correct him and tell him that it had actually been three.

Sometime later we found ourselves walking through a small path in a quaint little thicket near the Tyler mansion where Tony lived. He had offered me a bed until I chose to return to my ship and I had accepted. A sort of bond had formed between us, but the more time I spent with him the more the reality kept creeping in. Never once did he mention anything about her still being alive, so with every moment he didn't bestow on me the good news, I began to feel more and more desolate.

"..She wanted to be somewhere peaceful, but somewhere near home so that mum could come and talk to her whenever she wanted to. She told dad all of these things early on, just in case she always said, never thought we would actually need it. But-.. here we are." Tony rambled often to fill the silences I left. Occasionally I would tune in and learn something else about Rose, but more often than not Tony told about how Rose had wanted things or how Jackie dealt with everything. Until we broke through the tree to a small clearing and a large sugar maple with gorgeous huge leaves.

Underneath the tree was a simple stone bench, no headstone, no other graves. Carved into the tree was a simple outline of my TARDIS. There were a few walking stones with quotes on them leading to the bench and I held my breath as I approached, not stepping on a single one. There on the bench was her full name and an elegantly curved inscription; _Rose Marion Tyler, beloved daughter and sister. Defender of the Earth, but the stars were her home._ I smiled a bit at the words, and had to take deep breaths. My eyes began to prickle as everything became too real once again. Here before me was a simple bench in a little grove dedicated to the women I- the women who never knew how much she meant to me. The guilt overtook me.

"Tony, can I be alone for a bit?" I asked, my eyes still trained on the bench.

"Sure thing, I'll just head back to the house. I've got a few calls to make anyway. I assume you can find your way back?" I nodded in reply and then Tony was off, back down the little path. Once I could no longer hear the sound of his footsteps I took another step toward the bench before falling to my knees before it. The emotion tumbling up inside me.

"Rose, you can't be dead." I said through gritted teeth and let my head fall into my hands as my elbows rested on _her_ bench. "You just can't, because I'm here now and the TARDIS wouldn't have let me come if you weren't here. She's never been so cruel." I laughed a bit, a humorless chuckle. "I know what you would say to that. She doesn't always take me where I want to go, but she always takes me where I need to go. Well right now, that's absolute hogwash." I talked into the empty air, my volume growing with each angry, sad word that left me.

"Where is the _need_ here? I'm the one that needs! I _need_ you and that is so very me. Oh, Rose. You're still the only thing I can believe in after all these years. I still believe in you. I have to believe you're still out there. So all of this? It's nothing! It's a good English show, for the public, prove that your family moved on. But I can't accept it. I won't accept it because it isn't right. Rassilon, I'm missing something _huge_ aren't I? It's staring me right in the face. I know it." At that moment I collapsed onto the bench, my arms a sloppy mess my head going with it. A slow steady stream of wetness trailing down my face. It hurt. It hurt _so_ goddamn much. I've done a lot in my long life, but not often did I break down in any place that wasn't the TARDIS. It was too vulnerable. Too dangerous, you never knew what was lurking around the corner.

With that I straightened up, stood up, and dusted off my trousers. I couldn't let this go on for long, Tony could come out here and find me. I couldn't have that, no matter how much I was beginning to trust him. He didn't need to see the broken man that lie inside. He needed to see the man his sister left behind, the _good_ man. Even though it had been a long time since I have been that man.

"The day I have proof, Rose… That is the day I come back here and say goodbye. The way I meant to all those years ago. Even if you aren't here to hear it. Even though I _know_ you know. Truth is, it does need saying. Because if I never say it, I'll never let you go." I paused for a moment and looked up at the quickly darkening sky. It gave me a piece of mind. "Once I thought never admitting how I felt was the only way to go. To keep me from hurting when I eventually lost you. But I was so wrong, and it's only hurt me more in the long run." I sighed and my head dropped down again. "Oh, I miss you." With that I turned on my heel and headed back down the tiny path to the massive house.

If trees could listen and understand english… let's say for some reason they could. Let's say they were listening, hearing everything the Doctor was saying. Feeling his pain along with him. Maybe they could even know his story. They could be sentient trees. Maybe they would cry along with him, for his loss, and his dwindling hope. He was a ship lost at sea looking for a lighthouse on the shore, it was a very sad story. Yes, they would cry. How could they not? For these imaginary trees, they were very compassionate things. But maybe, they really weren't that imaginary. The trees were there after all. In the thicket around Rose's memorial. So maybe, this isn't all just a bunch of maybes. Because I know, there was a tree in that thicket covered in tears.

 ****Review my lovelies! Let me know how you feel! What you think! I know there wasn't any Rose in this chapter, maybe we'll get there one day!****


	6. Chapter 5- Playing Pronouns

_**A/N Hey everyone! Sorry it's been sooo long since I posted. Those first few chapters I was writing one a day, and then I went to England for a week! I also got the chance to pop over to Wales and see the Doctor Who Experience. Which was absolutely amazing and fun, worth every penny. But then when i got back to school it was the first few weeks of my third semester and I was super busy getting adjusted so I was having trouble getting around to this chapter! And then when I FINALLY did it was quite a difficult kind of filler chapter to write, it has lots of important things going on and foreshadowing but it still is kind of a filler chapter with lots of exciting stuff at the end! Anyway, enjoy!**_

 **Chapter 5**

 _Playing Pronouns_

Tony

I had never seen a more distraught man in my life. Especially as he tried to hide the occasional tremors that rattled his body. It was very obvious to me that the Doctor is a man who doesn't let others in easily. The walls surrounding him were so thick and tall I suspected only one person had managed to break past them. The man before me barely made any faces but stark serious. If 'stark serious' meant eyes full of a harrowing battle and the occasional twitch of facial muscles. Perhaps it was just the eyebrows that made him seem so serious. Or maybe it was the forceful way he cut through the steak we were having for dinner.

"On the planet France they can only cook steak to perfection. AND They bring it out to you already cut to your perfect bite size pieces. They're partially sentient you see, so they can sense what you would like and how you would like it before you even open the menu! Or perhaps that was just this chef at that restaurant in Guatemala in 2363." The Doctor rambled before plopping another ferociously cut piece in his mouth. I nodded as I chewed my own piece, something about this man still wasn't adding up.

"Rose once mentioned you had intentions to take her to that Planet France you just mentioned. She said that you said it was a place where dogs have no noses and that you found that quite funny. However she did say you were in a bit of a delirious state at that particular moment." My attempt at mentioning her casually would probably only prove positive in failure. I had a funny sneaking suspicion that this man couldn't even be around the actual _flower_ without thinking about all she meant to him. I took a sip of my red wine and watched him carefully. He brought his cloth napkin to his lips and nodded. Once he finished wiping he spoke as he placed the napkin on the table.

"We never did end up going." He said wistfully then he smirked for just a moment

before excusing himself from the table, his meal finished. I bid him goodnight and he was gone with one of my maids, named Angela, showing him the way. I took another sip of my wine before deciding to just tip it back and finish it off. As the fresh wave of alcohol settled in my system I settled back in my chair and brought my hand to my face in thought. The peculiar thing about the evening and the Doctor swirled around in my head until it became obvious! How had I missed it before?

The Doctor's character was definitely a fight or flight personality. Maybe leaning more heavily towards flight if his display back at Torchwood Base wasn't an obvious enough indicator for this. That's why things were so strange feeling. By all sense and logic after seeing Rose's memorial I had expected the Doctor to bolt. But instead he had come back to the house with a new hard edge that I couldn't quite place the motivation behind. He had even accepted my offer of dinner and a place to stay. The whole time it seemed as if he was fighting instincts he had ingrained in him.

I stood up from the table and wandered to the sitting room. Angela came in shortly after I sat down, the rest of the bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other.

"Are we expecting someone, Angela?" I asked glancing up at her with an inquisitive look. She simply nodded and was about to speak when the front door buzzed. She smiled at me with a mischievous look before dashing off to answer it. A few moments later Angela escorted Mel into the room. The two were gossiping about the latest Hollywood/Royal Family gossip and what not. I smiled at them and once Mel was seated their conversation dissolved into laughter.

"That'll be all for tonight, thank you Angela." I smiled kindly at her and watched her face light up with happiness. She wiggled her eyebrows at me as she backed out of the room saying,

"Thank you Mr. Tyler, have a nice evening." She threw a playful glance at the other woman in the room, "Call me later Mel!" Mel nodded in response and then she was off to enjoy her Friday night presumably. My gaze shifted to Mel who was pouring herself a glass of wine before she relaxed leisurely into the arm chair, toeing her black heels off and flinging a leg over the arm. She had on tight black pants and a loose green jumper which complimented her eyes. Her hair all loose and vibrant red was surrounding her like a slightly messy halo. She was only five years my junior but had managed to hold her youth and vitality much better than I had.

"I expect everything went well then?" I said in an almost sarcastic tone as I refilled my wine glass. Mel gave a light laugh and winked.

"As always. You know me."

"You said 'tomorrow' if I remember correctly. Must have been a good flight path." I quipped. She gave me a knowing look before sitting up and putting her serious 'it's time to do business face' on.

" _You_ called me here, remember? Care to update me on the situation at hand?" I sighed, it was always either business or pleasure with this one- no in between.

"Right of course. Well, first off… he's actually staying the night here." I drew out slowly, as if I was barely slipping my toe in the water, because I knew this statement could easily put me in defensive territory. And for this I was correct, I was greeted with a raised, and very judgmental, red eyebrow.

"Do you really-"

"Now, Mel, let me explain first. It _is_ him. It's her mystery man. He came clean and told me his memories were perfectly intact. I've got no reason to believe the contrary. I even sent our Norwegian associates to check the beach and see if the blue box was there. He calls himself 'the Doctor'. Oh and Melody you should see the way he reacted to her memorial and everything. You just can't fake that kind of emotion! It's so clear he used to lo-"

"Tony! You're rambling." Mel cut me off, even though she knew I wasn't really rambling. She probably just didn't want me to be too presumptuous. The silence settled over us for a moment, I looked up and could see Mel's thinking face. The gears turning, then her pensive green eyes met mine.

"You know what this means?" Mel whispered intently then she glanced side to side and leaned in closer to me. I shook my head no.

"You only ever told me to tell you if any of those key things popped up! Screwdriver, blue bow, mysteriously docile alien man, oh and of course asking about Rose!" I spit out quickly. There was a sparkling excitement in Melody's eyes that furthered my confusion, in turn making me give her the most incredulous look.

"Mel, what's goin-"

"It's happening Tony!" She said in an excited whisper. Her hands gripped the edge of her chair then a laugh burst forth from her lips.

"Oh! I can't wait to tell mom! She'll freak! She never believed he was real and now I get the cha-"

"Melody Williams!" I said sternly and she gave me a pouty look.

"What?"

"Tell me what it means!" I reached over and grabbed her hand, attempting to ground the bubbly woman.

"What do you mean Tony?" Mel said giving me an exasperated look. I sighed, equally exasperated and rubbed my hand down my face. This woman was going to wear my nerves down to nothing.

"You're playing the pronoun game! You asked me if 'I know what this means?' And then you said 'it's happening Tony'. What's going on?! Why have I been waiting for this strange guy to drop out of the sky! _What is happening!_ " After I had gotten that out of my system I felt that my breath was coming out in little pants. I hadn't intended to get angry and I was sure my face was flushed slightly red. Partially due to the alcohol I had consumed. Mel was giving me a shocked look, mouth hanging open and everything. Then she sat back and crossed her arms, giving me a pointed look that said 'you need to apologize'.

"I'm sorry Melody. I don't mean to get upset with you. It's just- It's all related to my sister somehow. This is partially about _Rose_ and I just get defensive." Giving Mel a pained look I sat back defeated and put my palm over my eyes.

"Hey Tone, It's okay. I guess, I thought your dad would have told you. Or maybe even my mum. Hell, how would I know? We never work the same cases anymore and I just figured since you became the director of London you would get updated." During her ramble I had moved my hand and watched her like she was trying to solve a complicated math problem. Then her eyes skittered over to mine and she smiled. Leaning in close to me again her eyes provided another twinkle.

"We get to call Fable!" Mel exclaimed with a squee coming at the end. I was still confused till my mind caught up, an image of a file I had seen only once in the black archives.

"You mean… Fabold Woman? That file in Torchwood's black archives is empty! Like it's just a placeholder or something! With just that phrase written on it. You're telling me-"

"I'm telling you it's pronounced 'Fabled' but mum just calls her Fable. That's also what she calls herself, mind you. Mum has hundreds of stories about their travels together. Dad and her sailing across the stars." Mel was smiling so wide I thought she might split. "Dad never let me go off with her. I hated him for it for _so long_. Mum even agreed with him! So I ran off and joined Torchwood. Now, that didn't make them too happy either but apparently I've already met her when I was a baby. But only once in my recent-ish memories." The more Mel rambled the more confused I became. She made this 'Fabled Woman' sound like… well sound like _him_. The Doctor 2.0. As if she was an alternate version of him… what the hell was going on around here lately?

"Mel, I'm still not getting it completely. This woman… she sounds like _him_." I attempted to explain and made a vague gesture upwards in the general vicinity of my guest. Mel looked upward in thought before she spoke.

"I suppose…" She said drawing it out, then she started nodding and met my eyes. "Now that you point it out, they are quite similar." Mel mused some more and nodded again, probably just to her own thoughts, though she said nothing more on that subject. "Anyway." She quipped, "I'll have to make the call in the morning and you'll have to let me spend the night." Mel gave me a wink and I smirked back at her, the previous conversation forgotten, _almost_.

"I take it you'll just have to explain it to me in the morning. Just one thing though, why are we calling her?"

"Because she's the one who put out the APW."

Doctor

I've never been one to sleep for long periods of time (This mostly due to my Time Lord biology), nor have I been one to sleep restfully- especially since the war. A few nightmare's plagued me like bad re-runs of cable television and I hate cable television. Especially when it keeps showcasing the worst moments in my life.

Often times I would watch Rose lose her grasp on that lever and fall into The Void. No Pete would show up and Rose would just be gone, lost to just exist in whatever existence there was in that empty space. But the worst dreams were the ones where I was able to stay with Rose only to watch her grow old and frail and then… forget me. Rose's beautiful, vivacious mind… consumed by some degenerating disease. Even with everything that had happened, how I had lost her, Rose forgetting me would still be a worser fate. Or even me forgetting her.

Tonight these dreams had combined, I watched again and again as Rose slipped in The Void. But as the dream changed I saw myself, as I am now, rescuing her from the void. The joy of it almost led me to believe my nightmare had shifted to a pleasant dream! I couldn't believe my luck, that I had Rose in my arms again, only for her to struggle away from me. A confused and scared look in her eyes.

" _Rose! Rose, its me! It's the Doctor!"_ I would cry but the confusion didn't leave her eyes. In fact she just looked more confused, her face twisting and took a few more steps away from me.

" _I'm sorry mister, I don't know you."_ Dream Rose said and my heart crumbled in her hands, falling to pieces on the floor. Then she faded away with each step she took backwards and I crumbled to the ground, unable to take the pain, surrounded in the pieces of me she left behind. Then I would get up and start running, and running, and running. Never stopping, never looking back, but never _ever_ being able to forget the look in her face.

That's how I woke up, a cold sweat covering my body. The sun was breaking through the drawn curtains. The feeling of the nightmare was still coursing adrenaline through my system. My double hearts beating out the gallop of a horse. My internal clock told me it was near to eight and I was greatly surprised. Despite waking covered in a sheen of sweat I had apparently slept for almost twelve hours. This was probably due to the three plus days without sleep if you included my twenty-four hours of driving. For the most part I felt rested, especially as my breathing slowed and my hearts rate descended to a normal double thump against my rib cage.

Later that morning I rounded the corner into the dining room to see a full smorgasbord of a breakfast laid out for us, although it technically wasn't an actual _smorgasbord_ this was the best word I could think of to describe the volume _and_ variety of food. My hunger wasn't particularly prevalent, however, so I strolled over to the large fruit bowl at the end of the table and plucked up a wonderful yellow fruit. Banana's are a cure all treat, especially to chase away the nightmares.

Just as I was taking my first bite of the pale yellow fruit a red headed woman rounded the corner wearing a man's button down shirt and hopefully a pair of shorts, although I couldn't see any upon first inspection. She didn't take any notice of me as she grabbed for a piece of bacon. She chewed and mused as her eyes scanned the contents of the table. Eventually her tired eyes grazed the fruit bowl, at which point they widened at the sight of what I can only assume was the bottom of my coat or the top of my thighs. Her eyes shot up to my face and she froze just as she swallowed her last bite of bacon.

"Hello." I said casually, something in her face was strikingly familiar. Something that was niggling at the back of my mind.

"Oh. You must be _him_." The woman said, there was a slight Scottish tinge to her accent and I suddenly had a sinking suspicion as to who she was. "I'm sorry, I'm not a morning person and I'm rude. I'm Melody Williams but everyone calls me Mel. You must be the Doctor." I balked at her statement and her outstretched hand for a moment before quickly meeting her hand in the air to shake it. Could it be possible? A version of Amy and Rory somehow intertwined with Rose's world and before me a very human version of River. An original version that still looked like a perfect mix of Amy and Rory. I smiled at the thought of Amy and Rory still happy and alive somewhere in their correct timeline, free of my interference, not in the past in New York City.

"Yes, that's me. The Doctor from another universe. Noticing all the strange little similarities between the two of them." At this I threw a furtive glance in Melody's direction. She looked side to side and then pointed at herself confused and shocked.

"What… me? You know me in the other universe?" Mel said as she picked up another slice of bacon, clearly very intrigued.

"Sort of. I'm sure I know your parents, however, you have an entirely different type of existence in my universe." I paused for a moment before I amended myself, I didn't need her thinking that the other version of her had it better when she didn't. "However, I think your life is much better and probably happier here." Mel smiled at this and nodded in thought.

"My mum has had dreams of you since she was little. Except you didn't look like this. She said you wore a funny bow tie and tweed jacket. You were all young and bouncy with floppy brown hair." Mel explained giving me an inquisitive look. I nodded at her and moved around the table to be more directly across from her.

"Not surprising, if there's an exact copy of someone in another universe and they have very strong experiences or adventures sometimes those memories slip across The Void as dreams." I smiled, "The two people are basically twins." That was a comforting thought that brought some light into this current situation. The potential of seeing Amy again was very pleasant, even if it isn't _my_ Amy, per-say. Mel nodded and walked around the curve of the table to procure an apple from the fruit bowl.

"So… you know my parents, huh?" Mel said in that drawling way that was distinctly _River_. Especially when she was attempting to flirt with me. I chuckled at her devilish ways and made a point of ignoring them, as usual.

"Yes, Amelia Pond and Rory Williams. Married on the 26 of June, 2010. Probably had you in the following year or something like that." I stated as simply as I could.

"Probably?" Melody questioned.

"Well, things went a little wonky in that department in my universe."

"What department?" Mel pushed, her curiosity getting the best of her.

"You." During the banter I had picked up a plate and filled it with a bit of everything. Beans, sausage, eggs sunny side, bacon, and a crescent roll, it all looked wonderful. Mel narrowed her eyes at me and opened her mouth to speak when Tony entered the room. He distracted her thoughts, that much was obvious, her eyes practically sparkled as she gazed at him. Tony was already dressed impeccably for the day, as was I. He nodded a good morning to me and walked over to Mel where he kissed her on the cheek an arm going to support her behind the back. I sat at the table but kept one eye on the interesting relationship that had just unfolded before me. Suddenly, the men's button down made a lot of sense. T leaned over and whispered in Mel's ear, then Mel glanced down at her appearance.

"Well, what's wrong with this?"

"We have a guest, Melody. Plus we have important things to do right after breakfast." Tony said in a hushed tone. Then Mel simply nodded, her eyes going wide and looked over at me.

"If you'll excuse me." Mel said and went off, back upstairs. Tony turned to me and smiled then grabbed his own plate to dish up.

"How did you sleep?" T questioned politely.

"As well as usual, _you_?" I returned, raising my eyebrows on the last bit, letting there be no question of my double entendre. T chuckled and sat with his plate, picking up his fork and knife to dig in. He didn't answer me but we shared a knowing glance.

We were just finishing breakfast when Mel excused herself again to go make a call. There was a lot of excitement in her voice and a secretive look in her eye as she stole a glance at T. I watched her saunter off with curiosity, mischief in every step. Some things never change. I threw a questioning glance at T as he was finishing wiping his mouth. T nodded and then placed his napkin on the table in front of him.

"Yes, I know. She's a mysterious person but she's got a job to do and she loves when she knows things others don't. You'll find out soon enough."

"What do you mean I'll find out 'soon enough'? What does this have to do with me?" I questioned giving T a wary look.

"Alright, Doctor, time for me to come clean, huh? Let's head out to the veranda." T answered as he stood up, I followed quickly after him since I was still willing to trust him, I would be patient for now, with whatever Melody and him were withholding from me.

"Mel is an agent for Torchwood, she technically is my superior but she prefers the rush of field work, as she puts it." Tony explained as he opened the sliding glass door onto the sunny porch. That would be sunny day number two in Pete's Universe alternate London. "A long time ago we had an issue with mysterious people coming around looking for Rose. So, we had to set up a series of trials if you were to ever show up so that you would be allowed to see her. And… after she passed, for you to learn the truth." T finished explaining while I just nodded along. It all made logical sense, that's for sure. If there had been people coming after Rose, she would have needed those safeguards.

"But who had the protocol continue after she was gone? What would be the point?" I wondered aloud, Tony shrugged back at me, it was obvious he had the same question. My hearts started to beat faster, foolish hope beginning to pump through my veins.

"Exactly! So, I guess that's who Mel is calling. There's someone in this universe that needs to meet you I guess." I balked at T and tried to ignore how there was strong potential for bad things to be afoot. Just then Mel bounded onto the back veranda with us.

"Alright! She's on her way! You," Mel pointed directly at me, "Are to go and meet her just past the memorial. She'll be landing in a few minutes."

"Alone?" I questioned and Mel just nodded, as excited as ever. Completely unaware of my worries. "Once you guys finish your pow wow bring her back down here to spend some time with us. My mum's driving in with my dad to catch up." I looked over at Tony for help but he just gave me a reassuring smile.

"She probably won't abduct you. If it's any consolation, Mel and I devised that she's the _you_ of this universe." I blinked a few times in confusion. Was that even possible?

"Wait, you said landing! Landing in _what_?" I asked, my voice rising a few notches in an incredulous tone.

"OH, just get along, will you?" Mel chastised me, "Stop worrying! You'll like her, I'm sure of it." Then she laughed and sat down with the also lounging Tony, their relaxation made my stiffness and nerves seem that much more prevalent. I opened my mouth to ask another nervous question but Mel just held up her finger and made a tsk-ing noise, then shoo-ed me off. So I nodded, straightened my suit jacket, and walked off towards the thicket past the veranda.

I wasn't excited to return to the memorial. The way it made me feel was very vulnerable and negative to the cause of me trying to figure out what was happening around here. But I walked on into the greyish colored thicket, head up and watchful. I pulled out my screwdriver and began to scan for whatever would be landing. I was coming up with nothing even though I had the screwdriver set to scan for _all_ alien tech, including human. It wasn't long before I came to the opening, the day before the walk had felt much longer, I purposefully was keeping my emotions on lock.

There was nothing around me though. No one had 'arrived' and I was still very alone in this very sad place. I looked in all directions, scanning, and still saw nothing. I turned to the bench and sighed, my head drooping.

"What's going on?" I said listlessly to no one. I lifted my head and nearby I heard a Robin's song, somewhere… far off in front of me, but it seemed to be coming closer, getting louder. I looked for the bird but instead a flash of red on the ground caught my eye. Just beyond this current ring of trees, there was a… patch of red roses. I was sure I hadn't seen them there the day before, or moment before for that matter. I strolled cautiously over to the tree where the roses grew, looking side to side in anticipation of something, _anything_. But there was a resounding nothing but the wide white oak in front of me.

 _White oak?_ That wasn't there yesterday either! I stumbled back a few steps and fumbled for my screwdriver, but I was too slow. A door slid open in the tree and a golden light shone out from within, shadowing the figure in the doorway that had appeared. I took another step back but my calves hit the bench and forced me into a sitting position. The person stepped forward holding up their hands in a defensive position, intending to show they meant no harm.

"It's okay! Sorry I startled you old guy, I didn't mean it." Came the female voice with an American accent. She stepped a few more steps forward and I could tell she had long black hair down to her waist, it was loose and shadowing her face. I took a deep breath attempting to ground my breathing. I gripped the cold stone beneath me for balance as I stood back up.

"It's quite alright, Miss. I'm supposed to be meeting someone is all." I explained lamely, "And then you stepped out of that tree." I added to my astounding brilliance, still completely thrown off. Was this the woman I was supposed to meet?

"Oh, that's probably me. I'm Fable." The woman said as she tucked her hair behind one ear and stuck out her hand. The polite thing to do would have been to shake her hand and introduce myself but I could not. I was frozen. Every bit of me was frozen. My breathing had hitched and I swore even my hearts stopped for a moment as I caught sight of her blue eyes. _Blue_. How strange. Such a simple color, it hadn't been mine since my ninth face, since I had met _her_.

There were blue eyes in her face, raven hair flowing down framing her features, it was so black it was almost like oil. Patches of sun streamed through the trees and her hair caught the light like little rainbows were adorning it. But everything else was the same face that had haunted my dreams and nightmares for so long.

"R-Rose?"

 ** _A/N Tell me what you guys think in the review section! I hoped you liked it! What do you think is going on? What might happen next? Thanks for reading!_**


	7. Chapter 6- Shiver and Shake

**_Hey Guys! I'm sorry. I know it's been forever since I uploaded and I really apologize. I've had this chapter written up since May and I haven't had time to type it out because shortly after posting my last chapter I moved back home to MN for the summer from NYC and had a day and a half before I was back at camp. And camp is just an all consuming job that goes from Sunday till Friday. Basically, leaving me with like no time for FF. I'll try to be better but I probably won't upload regularly until Augustish(When I'm back in NYC). But I'll still try and do a few more chapters till then. Anyway, happy reading! As always review and ask questions at the end. Thanks so much for all the follows I've gotten on this story... no pressure or anything. haha..._**

 **Chapter 6**

 _Shiver and Shake_

Fable

" _Oh, that's probably me. I'm Fable." I said as I tucked a hair behind my ear then stuck out my hand to the severe looking man for a handshake. He looked down at my hand then up at my eyes and froze. His eyes went so wide I thought they might pop. As if he couldn't believe I was real. I knew he had been shocked but he had recovered , hadn't he? And he was still staring into my eyes, showing me the emotion in his eyes that said so much. Like he knew me… Like he lo-_

" _R-Rose?" The man said and a slight smile broke onto his face, disbelief._ My mouth opened and closed for a moment before I just shook my head.

"N-No. I'm Fable. I just said that." I gave him a strange look but the shocked look didn't leave his eyes, like he hadn't even registered what I had said. "Who's Rose?" I said the name like It tasted weird in my mouth, and it did. Something….not quite foreign, but like an very old, almost dead language. His face twitched and then fell to disappointment, the wall was crumbling, that crashing wave of hope, toppling over into just sea suds. Then it was like he settled to stone. No emotion.

"I'm sorry, I'm the Doctor. Those- the- uhm, flowers. They confused me." My hand had dropped out of the air a while ago but he made no move to shake it anyway, he just turned away and looked down. I smiled pleasantly and stayed where I was. This was the man I had been waiting for, The Doctor, so I had to be patient.

"Pleased to meet you, Doctor. I've been waiting for you for… quite a long time." The grey haired man glanced up, a strange twinkle in his eye.

"You've been… waiting. For me?"

"Yes! My ship, apparently she originated from you and yours. Or at least, that's what the files say. I have _so many_ questions." I said so quickly, like he might run away before I finished. Then I grabbed his hand and was about to lead him into my ship but something… stopped me. There was something so nice about the way his hand fit in mine. I couldn't describe it, even as my heart seemed to be calling out for it. I looked back at him into his green eyes, those familiar eyes. Suddenly a small tingling shock passed between our interlocked hands but neither of us let go.

"Do I know you?" I said, absolutely puzzled by him. A small smile took up one corner of his lips.

"You should." He said simply, searching my eyes as I searched his. One of my hands went up to his cheek and caressed it lightly. The Doctor leaned into the touch, his eyelids fluttering closed and a small sigh escaping his parted lips. Then he brought up his own hand to cover mine on his face.

"I feel like I do." My voice said so softly if I wasn't so close to him I'm not sure he would have heard. I felt wetness on my cheek and realized I must have started dripping tears. "Why am I crying?" I said to myself and took my hand off his face to wipe mine. The Doctor then recaptured my hand and entwined our fingers, I smiled gratefully.

"Why don't we go in your ship." His voice was so deep and Scottish as I looked into his eyes, so mesmerized that I could only nod. Then I turned heel and pulled him with me, a smile broke out on my face. This felt so right. We walked into the tree and suddenly we were in the large room. The coral struts big and the shiny equipment impressive, I gestured with one hand attempting to be grand.

"Welcome to the S.T.A.R.D.I.S.!" I turned back to him, expecting him to be slightly impressed as he looked around but he was still looking at me.

"STARDIS?" He questioned, not confused simply curious.

"The Second Time and Relative Dimension in Space. This is my ship, she's wonderful. She sensed that her sister is in Norway when we landed and I figured that must be you!" I said cheerily, a feeling of lightness and elation all over me as we approached the console. He chuckled at me and I turned back to look at him. "So, what do you think? Do you like her? Is she like yours?"

"She's just like an old screensaver of mine, but a slightly different color scheme." He looked around a bit then looked right back at me, smiling big. "She's magnificent."

I beamed right back at him, the Doctor finally took his eyes off mine and looked at the time rotor. He let go of my hand to stroke his hands along the console, I immediately felt the loss of his hand in mine but kept my feet planted, not wanting to seem like a wanton woman chasing this man I had just met.

I watched him circle the console, tracings few levers, dials, and buttons then he walked up to a coral strut, still smiling. I watched him stroke it as a puzzled look came over his face, then he leaned in and… licked it! He just licked my ship! A funny look came over my face and my shock dissolved into laughter. It was like someone had just told an inside joke.

"What? What's so funny?" The Doctor said while approaching me, a smirk in his eyes as I doubled over. I could see in his face he knew exactly why I was laughing. I stood up and looked at him, trying to hold in the giggles but failing desperately. The Doctor laughed a bit with me and his hand came up to my cheek, a sincere look in his eyes.

"You're crying." He stated as he wiped the tear away, his other hand mimicking the first. It was then that I noticed it, while staring into his eyes, oceans of greens with so much time and at the bottom… so much sadness. It was the same thing I saw when I looked in the mirror at my own aged eyes.

"I guess I am, again. I just feel so sad sometimes and I don't know why…" I trailed off, then grabbed his hands off of my face to hold them in my own again. "Why did you lick my ship?" I asked, changing the subject back. The question that was in his eyes subsided for the moment and he smiled at me.

"I wanted to know how old she is. That's all. I haven't pulled that move in a while though and unfortunately for me I don't think my taste buds are as accurate as they were in my previous two bodies." I just shook my head at him, He was so weird, but not in a way that was unfamiliar, for a moment I even thought I saw him but a different him doing the exact same thing. Why did I see that? My head was starting to hurt and I winced noticeably.

"What is it? What's wrong?" His tone was worried and his hands ran up my arms to my biceps. Everywhere he touched me felt so normal, so comforting, so _right_. But why? I had the overwhelming desire to hug him and not let go, but that isn't normal.

"It's just… You I guess. Being around you feels so natural, like a weird dream I once had, like it's happened a million times before and… now I'm seeing things." I looked up at him, searching for an answer he must know because I could see in those wonderful green pools he knew me, even though I didn't know him… really know him that is.

"Fable, how old are you?" There was a tinge of fear in his eyes, his hand came up to my face again. I just shook my head and took a step away. His hands dropped but he stayed in place. I wrapped my arms around myself and turned away. What was he doing to me?

"Very old, Doctor." I noticed the haunted tone my voice took on, as if age had suddenly slipped into my whole demeanor. I turned back to him and I'm sure he saw the time weary eyes I hid from most. "Probably older than you." A deep chuckle came from him so I glanced up into his eyes and once again saw all of that time I usually see in my eyes.

"And how old do I seem to you?" He questioned amused, I looked carefully and saw his extensive timeline with so many breaks and twists.

"Somewhere upwards of twenty one hundred." I stated simply, "No point in being specific when we're as old as we are… is there?" I said in a very cagey manner, his face dropped with… was that worry? But what could he be worried about … me? Not me.

"No, I suppose not," He said slowly as he strolled over to the console, clearly trying to keep the distance I had put between us. "Strange though… paying attention to the details can be important every now and then. For instance, if you had bothered to look closely you would see we are exactly the same age. Right down to the minute. Now that is fascinating, and a detail I wouldn't want to miss considering everything." I blinked a few times at that statement, there was so much going on. Not only all these little weird things but I also trusted him immensely, like I could feel it in my bones. I could trust him with everything. _I would trust him with my life_ , Something inside me said, _I would die to protect him too_. But why? Who was he?! I had just met him! I barely knew him. My life has been long and full of so many strange things but this situation and this man were quickly climbing to the top of the list. I shook my head, tried to clear my thoughts, and remember my primary objective, my ship.

I walked over to the display screen in the console and the Doctor watched me from the other side.

"The Base Code of this ship says this is a type 40B TARDIS. That was genetically multiplied to accelerate the growing process. But there are a few files in this that are locked and I can't get into them. They've been apart of the database for as long as I can remember and they're all titled mysteriously." As I explained the Doctor strolled casually around the console to stand next to me. "Another part of the Base Code was this signature Theta Sigma. Original TARDIS CP. Theta Sigma… Now I'm hoping that's you." I said, turning to him but he was suddenly much closer than I expected, it was distracting and dizzying. His scent consumed me and I felt lighter than air, all safe and relieved. Thankfully the Doctor didn't notice.

"Yes, that's my old nickname from back in my school days." Then he turned and smiled at me, but he was so close and he was consuming my every thought, my eyes drifted down to his lips as the sudden need for him overcame me, I leaned in-

"What, uh- where… Those files." The Doctor's voice came out deep, raspy, and very Scottish. "Why are they mysterious?" Then he was back in control, his strong voice like a splash of cold water. I turned my head to the screen and ignored what had just happened. I pressed my fingers to the screen and swiped around a bit, selecting the file titled 'Mysterious Files'.

"Here they are." I said softly and took a quick glance at him. He was watching me carefully then his eyes darted to the screen, upon reading the files his breathing hitched and then resumed as if to play off his shocked reaction. "You know what they mean, don't you?" I said and put a hand on his shoulder, he turned to me and balked, unsure what to say.

"Three files, R.M.T., then J.A.S.T. And Others, lastly Meta." His head dropped, "They all have to do with you. I hope at least." He said, then turned up to me. "But I didn't create them, you did. Therefore you created the passwords and then chose to erase your memory of it." I gave him the most astonished look while he was looking at me with sympathy and… hope?

"How can I remember what I've forgotten?" My voice sounded so small, insecure, and young. As if I didn't have 2000 years behind me.

"I might be able to help with that, but I'm not entirely sure. It could take a while and definitely a lot of trust." He paused and reached out to take my hand, I hadn't realized I had begun to back away from him. "We're gonna need to form a mental connection. A psychic link; and it's going to be hard for you because no one ever taught you when you were young. But if I'm right-". He paused again and looked into my eyes, as he gestured between us "If we're the same. Then there's hope. You can remember who you used to be." I shook my head and took a few huge steps back, my eyes felt wide and but watery. My life had just been turned upside down and it was all happening too fast. I could feel the fear bubbling in my system; adrenaline; fight or flight. But which of the last two would win over? My mouth started to spill out words before I really had time to think them.

"See, I already know who I am though. And I know one thing for sure, I would only erase my memories if there was no other option. Only if my suffering was too great. Then I know I don't want to remember." The Doctor blinked at me and furrowed his brows further. "Anyways, I've tried to guess the passwords and the clue it gives me every time is _Ask the Doctor._ I can't tell you how many physicians I called until Amy told me about her dreams of you." I finally allowed my eyes to meet his once I started talking about Amy I felt safe… Like I wasn't in an emotional danger zone anymore. He looked so sad as he opened his mouth to say something but just ended up closing it back up again and turned away to look at the screen. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and collapsed into the jump seat. My head fell into my hands, thoughts raging a billion miles a minute.

The Doctor

I was filled with dread and hope in equal measure as the afternoon carried on. The fact that she didn't know me was terrifying. I had to quickly bury my reaction to that, no reason to put this poor woman in any position. But then, when she touched my hand and looked in my eyes it was as if everything froze, recognition almost trickling into her blue eyes, like tiny drops of water. How our hands fit together perfectly had somehow triggered something in her and suddenly _she thought she knew me_. That was something, right? That was more than something!

Then that delicate hand touched my cheek, just like she had thousands of times and I leaned into it just like I always had before, but this time it had been _so long_. It was bliss and I wanted it to last so I let my palm cover the back of her hand that was on my face and let my eyes drift closed as I savored in the sensation of familiarity. This simple thing was something I never thought I would feel ever again. Then when I opened my eyes I saw the tears tracking down her face and that hurt. I intertwined our fingers to offer her comfort, something I couldn't convey since I still didn't know how Fable would want me to be. But I do know Rose, I knew we had to get away to have this conversation. There was just too much going on and eventually she would retreat from it all. It was best to prolong that reaction for as long as possible.

Once inside the ship there was another sense of elation; of normalcy. Her hand in mine as she showed me her ship, even when I chose to drop her hand I wished I hadn't but we were both so happy it didn't matter. Then I sensed something weird in the air, the sentient ship was trying to convey age. An… Old, very old age. But that couldn't be right! Not only was this a TARDIS grown from mine (given to my clone), but it was almost as old! So when I licked it to be sure of its 2000 year mileage I found myself a bit distracted by the distinct sound of _Rose's_ giggle. Such a beautiful sound that had haunted my dreams for 1100 years. I watched her laughing at me, she looked so beautiful I was drawn to her, moth to the flame. I walked closer only to see that beautiful happiness tainted with sadness. In my mind an image of a cracked dam became so vibrant it hurt. Little leaks here and there until it would all burst forth.

It was a terrifying image, all that time. If the ship was so old did that mean she was as well? Been wondering after me for that long? My heart ached for her, no wonder she was crying. If all those memories of me were suppressed under the surface… No it couldn't be… Or at least I had to be sure. If she had buried her memories it could be extremely painful for her if they broke back through all at once. Sure enough she winced and I immediately went to comfort her. My hands on her arms when I really wanted to hug her and apologize. Because somehow I just knew it was all my fault.

" _It's just… You I guess. Being around you feels so natural, like a weird dream I once had, like it's happened a million times before and… Now I'm seeing things."_ My suspicions were being confirmed memories were leaking and all because I stupidly decided to lick the ship. I needed to know how long it had been for her, but as soon as I asked she started to retreat in on herself. It was startlingly familiar for me, watching her walls go up, it was something I often did.

" _Very old, Doctor."_ I held my breath at that, I didn't want her to be old, but the possibilities… " _Probably older than you."_ Her heart wrenching yet despondent reply came and I couldn't help but chuckle. Older than me was hard to do, there had to be something off. My senses weren't up to par, at least the taste ones.

" _And how old do I seem to you?"_ Then I watched in shock as her eyes began to glow gold slightly as she looked at me. Then I felt it, that gold essence brushing against my mind with the barest of touches.

" _Somewhere upwards of twenty one hundred. No point in being specific when we're as old as we are… Is there?"_ All of the glowing and the barest mental connection had happened so fast I could barely react until she spoke and then I felt my face fall. It couldn't be possible. If she was what I thought she _might_ be, for her to have spent 2000 years in the wrong universe not knowing? About me, herself, or even what she is? In this universe she would be the _only_ of her kind and I would never wish that on anyone. Especially not her. I quickly schooled my face and walked slowly around the console, guilt creeping in on me.

" _No, I suppose not."_ I said slowly as I took the moment to look at her timeline and found it almost identical to mine. Except the beginning where it was a bit blurred and muddled. I told her as much, omitting the last bit and watched her process this, she was struggling through a haze of confusion. I watched her shake her head and walk up to the display screen; onto the next matter of business. Questions could come later, I guess.

I strolled over to her as she explained her problem with the ship, the base work, the mysterious files, which really weren't all that mysterious if my theories were correct. I stopped right next to her to look at the screen with my old signature. It was eerie to find this in another universe like this. She turned to me for confirmation, I was momentarily caught up in the coding or something when I realized she was waiting for my response.

I turned to her but wasn't expecting her to be _so close_. It was the most intoxication thing I had experienced in 1100 years. Her eyes looking right into mine, then her eyes dropped to my lips and every fibre of my being wanted it. Her head began to tilt and it took everything in me to break the sexually charged atmosphere between us, because it wasn't right. As much as I wanted her and by Rassilon's robes, I really did, I couldn't be with her if her whole mind wasn't there. I needed my Rose back first.

" _What, uh-where… Those files."_ My voice came out of me filled with the obvious effect of her proximity, I had to try again. " _Why are they mysterious?"_ I managed to get out and her head turned back to the screen as if nothing had happened. It was better that way.

The next few minutes my theories appeared in front of me, all the guesses proving positive. The three files were obvious. Rose Marion Tyler, Jaqueline Andrea Suzette Tyler and others(family presumably), and then Metacrisis. Three files; one on on her family, one on what happened to my clone, and lastly what she probably thought had happened to herself. I hoped. I told Fable as much;

" _Then there's hope."_ But I saw the fear creep into her eyes, she was terrified. She didn't even realize she was backing away from me. I knew she already trusted me but she was so scared.

" _See, I already know who I am though. And I know one thing for sure, I would only erase my memories if there was no other option. Only if my suffering was too great. Then I know I don't want to remember."_

Every step I took towards the hope that she might suddenly remember me and run into my arms, I was slapped back with the cold reality that she might not want to remember me. My nightmare's had become real life in the space of a few hours. The universe is a cruel cruel place. To give you everything you need, the one person you want, _and_ for them to now want you, not need you. I turned away from Fable and back to the screen, I was breaking down again. That feeling I had when I ran out of T's office the day before creeping up on me. It's the running instinct, when things get too sticky or tough, I run. I knew that being this close to her again would make me spiral, because I couldn't run from her. No matter how much I wanted to run.

So I had to fight.

So, chin held high I turned back to Fable to argue my point only to see her with her head in her hands. I sighed, my heart hurting for her and the confusion she must be feeling.

"I've spent 1100 years of my life searching for you Fable, only to finally find you and you don't remember me. Not only that… You don't remember you." I said in the most comforting voice I could muster as I sat next to her and put my arm around her. I was relieved when she leaned into me.

"Why don't we go to the library?" I asked softly in her ear and I felt her nod against me. We got up hand in hand and quickly made our way; neither of us said anything for the entire walk. Once there we went to our usual spot where Fable curled into me on the loveseat, I sighed contentedly. I missed her so much, even without her memory she still remembered these things. Subconsciously somewhere deep down, perhaps a reflex or muscle memory, either way it comforted me. Her fingers started to trace patterns on my knee and thigh while I delicately played with her hair, the Raven tendrils still the most out of place component. We stayed quiet for a long while in this in this companionable silence until…

"How well did you know me, Doctor?" Fable asked gently, without looking at me.

"Very well. I knew your mother and your best friend from home. You and I used to be… We were...the stuff of legend."

"Like Shiver and Shake?" She asked and I temporarily stopped my attention on her hair.

"What makes you say that?" I asked,

"Dunno, just felt right." I smiled at that and nodded.

"That's because you've said it before in this context." I hoped this wouldn't freak her out too much, but she just laughed for a bit at that and turned up to look at me.

"This is ridiculous. My whole life I've done lots of crazy things, but this situation is quickly approaching the top of the pile." I smiled at her, a genuine happy smile.

"I know the feeling."

"I already trust you. And I want to remember you. So I'll do it." She said suddenly and all I could do was stare at her and hope that everything I felt was being conveyed through that.

"Are you sure?" I didn't want her to feel pressured but I needed her to know that I needed her.

"Yes." She said while she nodded, her eyes seemed to say how much she trusted me and I hoped mine said how grateful I was. Fable smiled and closed her eyes, then I gently put my index fingers to her temple.


	8. Chapter 7- Familiar Faces

_**AN:/ Hey Guys! I know it's been a few months, but NO WORRIES. I have not abandoned this story. It's just been a super busy summer and starting up school again has also been crazy. But this chapter is now ready for your enjoyment and the next one is now well underway. This chapter is a little bit shorter than the rest but it required an abundance of creativity. I was sat for a while trying to think of the most perfect way for this chapter to be portrayed. A mind trip can be extremely intense, and I have seen a lot of very interesting ways of telepathic communication or how even just the Doctor walks among thoughts. You're going to be seeing some lovable and familiar faces this chapter! (Hence the title lol) as well as a look into the different facets that is the mysterious Fable. Hopefully I can post the next chapter BEFORE October comes to and end. I'm making a trip to see my boyfriend next weekend, he lives in Reading which means ANOTHER trip to England for me since I began this story. Anyway, love you guys very much and I really appreciate all of your love and support. You guys are what keep me uploading this story rather than just letting it live in a sad lonely journal somewhere. As always, READ and REVIEW at the bottom, and follow this story to say updated!**_

 **Chapter 7**

 _Familiar Faces_

The Doctor

It's very difficult to describe what it's like to enter someone's mind. Especially that of a potentially telepathic being. Some minds are brilliant, others simple. Some minds express thoughts in colors, others like a filing cabinet in an office, and others like you've just walked into their bedroom.

I had never entered Rose's mind before, so there was no way of knowing for sure just by seeing her mind if this was 100% _my_ Rose who had created herself into Fable.

"Anything you don't want me to see or know, just imagine a door and shut it. Okay?"

"Got it." Fable said. Then I proceeded into her mind. At first it was just a golden haze, very welcoming but very confusing, as if I had just walked into a bubble. I waved the golden haze out of my face as if I was swimming through a thick fog. Shortly thereafter, I found myself in the STARDIS console room. I turned back to look at the golden haze, but what was there had disappeared. When I turned back to the console there stood Fable, her blue eyes piercing me with curiosity.

"I can see you." Fable said in her head and in the physical world.

"Yep." I said in her head, popping the 'p'.

"I know it's you, but you don't look the same." Fable whispered to me.

"Oh, really?" I said confused, but then I heard it.

"And you don't sound Scottish anymore." Fable pointed out, coming a bit closer and studying my new appearance.

"Uhhh, no." I said quickly and scratched at my face, feeling the deadly appendage. "I'm 'Chinny' again. How strange. Never encountered this before, but WOO! What a rush! And no wrinkles!" I exclaimed feeling my face in an extravagant manner as I talked. Fable began laughing at me.

"You're even weirder _this_ way!" She said through the giggles. I gave her a suave smirk and adjusted my bowtie.

"Nah, I'm cool." I said and gave her some finger guns with a few 'pew pew pews'.

"Whatever you say bowtie." She quipped and winked at me. "Is this how you picture yourself in your head or something?" She inquires, coming up to poke me in the chest. I mouth 'ow' at her while brushing her hand away and then I return fire by poking her in the arm.

"Oi, no! This is my previous face."

"Oh." She says, her eyes going wide. "You can change your face?" She asks, as I become distracted by how the room looks just slightly different from its current model. Then I notice out of my peripheral a glowing doorway on the other side of the time rotor.

"Not exactly. I go through this process where I change every single cell in my body to save myself if I'm dying. I literally become a different person." I turn to her and flap my hands a bit with my explanation. "It's called Regeneration. Lots of golden light, it hurts a lot. Let's go through this door, shall we?" I say as I cut my ramblings of biological process' short, the original mission regaining focus. I pass through the hazy door just as I hear Fable say,

"But, Doctor! I think I do that too…" My thoughts race at the potential of Fable being a full Timelord. I barely take in my new surroundings as I whip back to look at-... her. But it's not quite her. The face is still the same, but the skin is pale alabaster and lightly freckled! The hair is wavy and a rich deep red. Her eyes however, hold the most difference. They're so brown they're almost black and she has dark circles under her eyes that look almost purple due to the translucence of her skin.

"Dat Regenurratshun ting. Oi tink oi maee be able tuh do tat aswell." Says the new Fable in a thick Irish lilt. Her eyes go wide as she hears her own voice, "Oh moi gud. Moi accent is tis trippy ting again." If I wasn't so in shock I might have been laughing to hear Rose's voice muddled to Irish. It was absolutely.. Weird.

"Oh… this is getting interesting." I said as I thrust my hand into my hair and the other into my pocket. I rocked back on my heels and took a glance down, unsurprised to see I was now wearing my brown suit with blue pinstripes. I looked up to see her staring at her own hair in fond recognition. "It appears we're traveling through both of our Regenerations… backwards." I said to myself. She glanced up just then and pointed at me, her eyes going wide.

"It's youh!" She exclaimed

"What?" I asked.

"I've seen youh!"

"What?!"

"A fihw moments ago Oi saw tis youh licken sum blud off yerown fingur in a paiir of stroiped pajamas! An' now youh're here in frunt of me in a stroiped suuit!" At this Fable clamped her hand over her mouth. "Oh, Oi'm surry. Oi didn't mehn to yell!"

"WHAT!" I said and in my confusion spun around… at which point I noticed our surroundings, a planet! We were on a planet!

"Woman Wept!" I exclaimed, "We're on Woman Wept! Oh, but why, why, why, think, think!" I said to myself and knocked my head a bit.

"Tis is moi feyvorite planet." Fable said quietly. Suddenly the planet changed, to show us something, it was night and I could see Fable. She was standing at the edge of the ridge of ice, breathing deep and holding herself. Her ginger hair blowing lightly in the icy wind.

"Oi cume here whhen Oi need tuh feel at peace. Loike tis is moi lit'le sloice o' forever." I take a glance to the Fable standing to my left, the one who's speaking, and she casts her glance up towards me. "It's ahs if tis is wuhn playce in tuh youhniverse dat feels juhst a lit'le less lohnely." Her stare is intense in it's pondering, but then her gaze drifts back to her memory self, a solemn look in her eyes, mine follow to the memory. So we watch memory Fable as she turns away from the ridge and get's into her STARDIS, currently a large Sugar Maple Tree in fall colors. As it fades away I see the next opening in between two pieces of ice and rock, a slight golden glow. But I don't go right away, my eyes are drawn back to my Fable as I reach for her hand and grab it. She smiles, a little far off thing, but still squeezes my hand back.

"Ginger and _polite_ , Huh?" She nods and I smirk to myself as I walk over to the edge of the ice cliff. "Ohhh, the irony." I mutter. Fable giggles and squeezes my hand tighter, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't the most comforting thing I'd felt in many years.

"Yuhr roight, it is. tDidn't youh want tuh be a Ginger?" She asks as she stares out at the view and breathes deeply, just like memory her. My observation grows intense after that comment, my brown eyes twinkling with hope and desperation for that something familiar.

"How do you know that?" I ask with wonder in my voice, she turns to me and catches my intense gaze. I notice her sharp intake of breath and the way her eyes dart to my lips. Then how my hearts start to pound until it just _hurts._

"Oi muhst be remembering youh." She mumbles to herself, mostly. "Docter, whhat whhere we tuh eachother?" Her voice is inquisitive yet innocent, however she manages that, but I still freeze up. My mouth opens and closes multiple times in failed attempts to respond, I avoid her now intense stare in favor of the view of the frozen icy waves below. I need a plan of action, and one quick eye shift towards her gives me the answer. It's not quite the right face, it's so close… but not right. Plan of action: Avoid, as per usual. Coward.

"Uh, well... " I run my hand through my chaotic brown hair, a sign of stress, "Maybe we should just move on, hmm?" This is all very… complicated and sensitive." Fable just nods and looks back out at the view.

"Hahvin' youh here wit me, it's strange. It's loike youh've always behn in tis wun spot but fer tuh first toime Oi feel so aloive here. Comfertuhd and aloive. Naht lohnely. Loike… forever isn't so scary annie more." I smile at her, a tiny sad smile as I watch her muse. I make the move I'd been wanting to make the whole time and wrap my arms around her shoulders. She smiles up at me, that tongue and tooth smile. My insides flutter up as I see into those almost black eyes. I stare into them and in the depths I can almost see little gold stars hiding just out of view. I have to clear my throat just to tear away my eyes. We have to move on.

"Well… Allons-y!" I say and reach back to grab her hand and pull her excitedly through the opening.

When the misty-ness clears again I can smell apple grass and the view of New Earth spans before me. I smile at the fond memory and the fact that this is where we are, even with her memories blocked. Fable takes in a deep breath just behind me and says,

"Apple grass!" But I heard… I whip back to her, hopeful and see… not quite Rose once more. But _boy_ does it sound like her. She's smiling a bright white smile, her skin is slightly tan, her hair is chestnut and shoulder length. This time her eyes are green, green like the apple grass around us, all different shades and facets shimmering in her eyes.

"This body of mine had an _obsession_ with apples." She smirks and reaches into the pocket of her long grey peacoat to produce an apple which she tosses to me. I give a big laugh.

"Better than pears! I hate pears!" I say with disgust, as I smell the green apple and bring it up to my lips for a juicy bite. I moan in satisfaction and she laughs, it sounds so much like my Rose it hurts again, but the more I think about it the more I realize… it's actually comforting. The feeling of being in her light is unfamiliar to me now, I had only experienced it in dreams for so many years and those always ended. Perhaps the pain was just a response to make sure my hope stayed down just in case I did… wake up.

Fable produces another apple then gestures it at me,

"How come you didn't change this time?" She inquires, then takes a bite from her golden apple.

"Oh…" I say around a mouthful before swallowing, "Well… I was rather fond of this face, I quite liked it." I say and shrug. She smirks at me, a different kind of smirk, one that has me beginning to feel different things.

"It is a very foxy body." She says calmly, then takes another bite and looks around. Oh, that was _very_ purposeful. That, that was _flirting_. She's flirting! With me? Me! How-? I have to take deep breaths to regain control of my brain and body. Time to change the subject.

"Why apples?" I ask and drop the core in my pocket. She glances at me and I can tell she feels guilty for some indiscernible reason.

"You know the old saying…" She drifts off, locking her eyes with the ground. "An apple a day keeps the…" She trails off and I know why now.

"Yep, I know. Well, next mind portal then?" I say, trying to put away the underlying hurt and keep the mood light. Probably just a subconscious thing, for some reason.

We look around in silence, the tension rising the longer it stretches on. Neither of us are over the awkward situation from a few moments ago, that much is clear. We keep searching, but I have a feeling we won't be finding anything with her this closed off to me currently, probably feeling defensive. Like a caged animal.

"I can't find anything." I hear her call with annoyance coating her voice.

"Nor can I." I respond and stroll over to where she stands, hands in my coat.

"Why can't we find it?"

"You might not be ready to move on yet."

"What?" She questions me, I look back at her sadly.

"Fable, we're inside of your mind, your memories, your thoughts… remember?" I tell her gently and reach up to touch her face. "You might be trying to protect yourself. Do you have another Regeneration before this one?" her eyes go wide and she takes my hand off of her face to hold it gently.

"Oh." She quips, but it's so quiet I barely hear her.

"What is it Fable?" I squeeze her hand. She sits down suddenly and pulls me with her. The smell of apple grass surrounds us as we land softly.

"I don't want to be her again." She whispers quietly and puts her head in her hands. "She was so sad, and angry, and lonely. God! Everything hurt! I was so lost, I- I- didn't want to live. I was locked out of the STARDIS..." Her green eyes were searching mine for understanding and maybe even for an answer. I just nod, completely understanding.

"I know the feeling all too well." I reach over and stroke her back where upon she falls into me. "But we have to move on, we have to find her because we need to find out what you're hiding from yourself." I wrap my arms around her and she grabs onto my arms with a death grip. Her breath is coming shakily and her eyes are squeezed shut.

"When you convinced me to do this- I just thought you might rifle through some memories until you found a locked door or something. Then you would just unlock it and I would be free! Not this. This is moving backwards. Not forwards!" At some point tears had started to fall freely from her. I held her close and rocked her slowly, pressing my face into her temple and kissing her gently. The smell of her hair is so almost familiar, and the way she feels in my arms. I lean into her ear.

"Fable, breathe. Come on now. You can do this, I know it. You're so strong and brave and so beautiful no matter what you look like." Then I kiss just above her ear as her grip finally relaxes a bit on me. She looks up to see me and our faces are so close it's purely intoxicating. I feel like an idiot when I finally realize that she has never been _almost Rose_ she  is Rose. Even with different features and a different name, Fable is Rose, Rose is Fable. Every single feeling I've been chastising myself for was unfair, to both of us. Just because I remember more than she does, it didn't matter.

"How can you be so sure, you've only just met me." She tells me, her inflection downward, the belief in herself just not there. But she still searches my eyes, hope playing behind the larger emotion. My hand goes up to her cheek and soothes her.

"So? I could meet you for the first time in a thousand different lives and still know exactly who you are, because If I believe in one thing, just one, I believe in _you._ " Her hand comes up over mine and single tear slides down her cheek. Then her other hand goes to my cheek and I lean into it. My hearts are hammering nearly out of my chest. We haven't been this way with each other in so long, where anything could happen in the space of a second that would alter our relationship forever. Our own little balancing game of being right at the tipping point without going over. I feel her thumb graze my cheek and slide down to my chin. I smile slightly at her, comfortingly I hope.

"You love me." And just like the previous statement, she doesn't ask it. It's not a questions but my mouth still falls open in disbelief, trying to answer but unsure of what to say, so nothing comes out.

"It's okay. It doesn't need saying." She smiles and leans into me. My breathing completely stops as I feel her lips press gently into my cheek. A tender, lingering moment full of understanding. I feel my eyes prickle a bit as she pulls away completely and after that stands. She was right, I didn't need to say it now, but I would soon. _Very soon._ If I didn't I just might be the first Timelord in history to spontaneously combust. I take a moment to myself then I scramble to my feet after her.

"I'm ready." She says with a nod and glow shines up from the river beside us. We turn to it, taking a few steps nearer to observe it up close, then we look back at each other and grab hands. "You'll stay with me, ya?"

"Of course. But I'll probably change too this time." She nods and grabs my hand.

"I'm gonna miss this you. I almost.. Don't want you to go." I give her a sardonic smile, then she jumps and pulls me with her.

At first I can only feel the water surround me and start to pull us apart but I can still feel her hand as the sensation changes. Then there's no more water and suddenly I don't feel her hand anymore, but I'm still being tossed about. I don't even see the haze, there's too much spinning and tumbling. And just like that, it's over and I feel the sensation of being tossed through the air, the familiar pull of gravity bringing me down. I hit the rocky ground hard, still rolling. I groan, surprised at the pain I can feel despite this being a walk through someone else's mind. A very powerful someone else, I realize with full force. My eyes open to see a staggering drop off a cliff, one more roll and I would've fallen all the way down. Despite the darkness I see the few large, sharp, rocks below then the expanse of beach and ocean. There is a sharp wet chill in the air as the waves crash gently in and out.

Norway.

I can feel the pain of this place like a metallic tang in my mouth. I scramble back from the edge and carefully onto my feet, dusting off my leather of the gravel it had picked up from my not so graceful tumble. My steel blue eyes scan the horizon and surrounding formations but I don't see anything, or anyone rather. No other person.

Fable was no where.


	9. Chapter 8- Falling Farther

_**AN: Once again I apologize ferociously for not updates in *counts on fingers real quick* THREE AND A HALF MONTHS Omigod I am horrid. Even more horrid of me is this chapter has been written fo rquite some time, I just couldn't get around to typing it up and what not. So it's just been sitting in a notebook sad and lonely. I hope this chapter isn't too horrid. At least not as horrid as me. Because I really am HORRID. My trip to England back in October was lovely. My boyfriend even came and stayed with me and my family over the Holidays! He just left last Saturday, and my last semester of school began on Monday. So i finally kicked myself in the butt enough to get this done. How did you guys like the Christmas Special? Personally... I kinda liked it? But there was nothing Christmas about it! And since I live in NYC it's always weird when they set Doctor Who here... because it never actually looks like here. (Altough I give them props for the shots in 'The Angels Take Manhattan' the Central Park shots are legit.) Anyway, This chapter may be a bit shorter. I tried to fill it with story, so grammar, keeping it in the PRESENT TENSE(I'm horrible at this.), and actual writing may be lacking a bit. Or a lot a bit. I can't tell, I'm my own worst critic. Anyway tell me what you think of it! The reviews are what keep bringing me back to this story, I promise you I will see it through to the end! Where ever my plot bunnies lead me I will follow them until I finally crawl out of wonderland and back into the real world. MUCH LOVE**_

 _ **Review Responses:  
Dreamcatcher56- I'm so glad you liked it! Even though it caused you pain. I would apologize for that... but that may have been the point lol. Hell, it causes me pain to write this stuff half the time. Is it bad to fangirl to your own writing? Probably. Anyway, this is me, still not abandoning it. At least trying not to.  
DragonLadyRelena- I'm afraid I may have left you hanging a bit too long? I don't know, sorry! You be the judge. But I'm afraid I have left you with another cliff hanger. I apologize for my evil-ness.  
GUEST-Hey Thanks! Hope you come back for more then!  
Teekalin- Updating right now! I'm so happy you love it, you have no idea!**_

 _ **WARNING: This chapter contains very intense situations, fairy tales, and a daft old face. And now... here we go...**_

 **Chapter 8**

 _Falling Farther_

 _Doctor's POV_

My head whips side to side, but I can't see a trace of any life anywhere. Human, nor alien.

"Fable!" I call, unsure what to do or think. Despite being inside of her mind I can't hear a single thought. It is disconcerting. A moment ago we were holding hands, then the current of the river was making us tumble about and I- I lost her.

How did I lose her in her own mind? My mind goes to the sonic within the confines of my leather, wondering if maybe I could scan for lifeforms inside of a mind … But the technology would probably be confused since we are surrounded by a life form. Technically speaking at least, though that didn't appear that way at the moment.

"Fable!" I call again but there is still no response besides the soft whistling of the wind passing by my huge ears. I rub my eyes with my hand and look more carefully over the landscape. The rocks and sand. The cold and dark. No trees, therefore no STARDIS. I rub my hands over my face again and when I uncover them I am standing on the beach next to the ocean, hundreds of metres from my last location. My head turns round at the sudden teleportation, but I accept the fact quickly. The wind is more biting down here, and there is a slight spray from the sea. I could see the cliff above me, the jagged rocks, then I see it. A cave. With a pair of eyes staring out at me.

"Fable!" I shout and wave to the figure but they step back out of sight. Maybe it wasn't her. But no way to know until … I close my eyes in concentration and when I open them again I am just outside the opening to the cave. I smile to myself for a moment before stepping into the cave.

"Hello? Fable? Anyone?" The sound of my voice sinks into the pitch black of the cavern. Only the darkness answers back, almost darkening in response. A feeling of dread starts to cover me, sinking further into my skin with each step.

Then a screaming groan breaks out from deeper in the cave. At the same time a golden glow floods part of the cave showing me the turn that was, consequently, hiding the source of the light. I freeze unsure if I can handle what is around the corner.

"Hello?" Came my slightly nervous northern accent.

"You need to leave." Growls the deep female voice from around the corner. "It's n-not safe." She squeezes out, clearly struggling. Then I can hear her panting and another groan escapes. I step around the corner and see her.

Glowing yellow eyes like an animal and hands with floating, glowing energy allow me to see her dark features. The curly dark brown hair, a large mass of it piled atop her head. The occasional grey that shifts in and out of the glowing gold leads me to believe her eyes are grey, like cold steel. Why does that seem so familiar? She is staring at me with her face paling, eyes sinking further in.

"No. It's not really you. I'm not playing this game anymore." She covers her eyes by rubbing them. Her voice is only a few steps lower than normal but for the first time she seems the most-

"Rose?"

"No, no, no! When I open my eyes you better be gone or I'll have to blast to you again." She's shaking, her palms pressing further into her eyes. Her voice is watery like she's crying. "Please, please just be gone. I know you're just an illusion but I can't- I can't- I-" She stops and wraps herself into a ball, rocking a bit. My heart breaks . I'm stumped on what I can do to convince her that it's really me, that this is isn't actually happening anymore. At least not in the real world. And for some reason saying ' _this is all in your head'_ doesn't seem like it will be helpful. She might just double blast me for insinuating that she's crazy without me even intending that.

"You don't have to just yet, do you?" I ask tentatively, "Can I tell you a story first?" Silence follows my question but Rose stops rocking. Her head slowly tilts up and she sees me again, fear plain as day. I don't notice, at first, but I have knelt down to be closer to her level. As if my body knows what to do concerning Rose better than my own mind. I believe that must be called instinct. The gold in her eyes recedes just a bit and she looks at me in confusion. Another tear slips out of her eye and yet… she nods. I sigh in relief.

"There was once a lonely old man who didn't dare to want for anything in the whole Cosmos. Because anytime he had something, he would ruin it. So he stayed lonely, just like a lone wolf in the forest. But you see, he wasn't a wolf he was only a man. A man who had desires, so when a beautiful flower was thrust into his hands , he wanted to protect it. But the pull was too strong and the old man too selfish. So instead of just leaving the flower alone in her simple garden life, as he should have, he brought the flower with him everywhere. But because he was a selfish, lonely old man he couldn't even admit the real reason he needed his special flower more so than any other that has come into his life.

"So he pretended the flower has thorns, even though it did not. The foolish old man said he was trying to protect the flower, that he wouldn't ruin it like he did with every other thing. So he never got too close. He just kept her in his shirt pocket, he never picked her up, he never smelled her sweet scent, he just gave her her space. Because he thought this would protect her. The truth being that he was protecting himself. He was scared to lose the flower even though he knew the flower would eventually wilt and die anyway. Leaving him alone again.

"So he wasn't surprised when he lost the flower. He thought he would never see her again. Even though he did, but it was too late for him to relive the joy she brought into his life. So he put her safely into a glass case, with a little ribbon tied around her stem. So she would always have a piece of him. Then the years went by and the ribbon dropped off. The old man never noticed this because the old man was still a fool.

"He missed the flower, _his_ flower every day. He hoped she was happy, he hoped she was safe. But he had no way of knowing. Until one day he finally broke the glass case and went searching for his flower. He just needed to make sure she was okay. But something he didn't realize even back when he was traveling with his flower, was that she wasn't okay. Not for Rose at least. You see prolonged exposure to the man had turned the flower into a wolf. Not without a bit of magic somewhere along the line of course.

"The lonely old man was ashamed to admit he had missed something so huge! She had never been so frail and wilting as he had assumed. She was the Big Bad Wolf. Something out of Fable's, capable of defending herself and others. She was a wolf to match his own lone, wandering wolf." I finally paused my story, looking at her endearingly; her mouth had gone slack. She is breathing shallow breaths, eyes just barely glittering with gold. She looks away from me and wipes away the tears tracks on her face.

"That's not how the story goes." She says gloomily and looks back at me, a mean look in her grey eyes.

"No?" I ask her, a hint of humor mixingwith sympathy.

"No." She says with finality. "The man never broke into the glass dome, the wolf stayed alone. Being tortured with the memories of the past as the full transformation overtook her everything." Her eyes bore into mine, waiting for my response, it seemed but instead…

"How does the story end in your world?" She asks. I smile a bit.

"The Fable isn't over yet. We're living in it right now. The lonely old man entered the mind of the Fabold Woman, to find the true self she had hidden away. The Bad Wolf. But it wasn't just the truth of the Bad Wolf she had hidden away, she had hidden away the Rose too." I pause for second, reaching out and grabbing her hand. "The most important part. The most beautiful. Her heart." She doesn't really hold my hand back, she is limp, fingers dangling loosely in my big palm.

"Rose. I'm real. I'm really here. Come back to me, please." I say, knowing how my desperate steel blue eyes are carving into hers. The cave air closing in on me.

"You're real?" She asks and squeezes my hand a little bit. As she squeezes even tighter, "You are _real_?!" She gasps and puts her other hand over her mouth. "Oh- OH my god! I remember! I remember.." Her eyes dash side to side with unreadable emotions, before they settle back on me. "But–you! Look at you! You're all hard and northern again. This can't be you, I lost you a long time ago." Her eyes lose more gold the further she speaks, her hand fits snugly in with mine.

"What? This daft old thing? No. This me has been gone for a long time. I'm three faces further than this now." I give her a little smile, scooting a little closer. "Your mind chose this face, remember? I've been going backwards with you this whole time, visiting all our old faces." I reach for her arm and she's just looking at me with awe as I touch her arm and rub it gently.

"This isn't real, Rose. We are just in your mind. In the real world we're in the library of your STARDIS. My fingers are pressed to your temples and I've got this old Scottish face, even more daft than this one." I say jokingly my silly smile breaking onto my face. My hearts swell with joy at her responding one, it pounds against my rib cage with assurances at my success. I'm doing the right thing, right? When pearly white teeth break out of dark lips I don't question myself anymore.

"Doctor?" A smirk plays on her lips.

"Yes." I say looking at her hopefully.

" _My_ Doctor?" The fear creeps into her eyes and the lump comes into my throat just looking into that fear. It's bottomless for a moment, even though one corner of her lips are turned up. It makes me wonder in terrible fascination what has made that fear so deep and vast. And even though we're in her mind, no answer presents itself. It makes me realize there's still more yet to go, so we can't take any steps backward now. Which means my own truth is as important as finding hers. All of this occurs to me in the space of a millisecond. I have to swallow over the lump in my throat, my own fear, before I can answer.

"Always." I say nodding my head yes. " Even when I was in denial, even after I lost you, even when I- I gave you away. I've been yours since I grabbed your hand that first time. Since that first word… And as painfully ironic as it is… I've been running from that fact ever since. But I won't anymore. I promise you that, my Rose." She doesn't respond but I see the tear drop from her eye, tracing its glossy path down her features.

Then she's in my arms sobbing a bit; her arms wrap my neck in near strangulation, but thanks to my superior biology it doesn't matter. It especially doesn't matter since I was already short of breath. I reciprocate immediately my hands circling her, rubbing her back a bit to calm her. At the same time though my hearts are hammering so hard. Pain swirling for the woman who went through so much without me, and joy at holding her again. The woman who _remembers_ me. Remembers how _we_ used to be together.

"D-Doctor? What's happened to me?" I hold her tight and press a kiss into her hair.

"Rose, you already know what happened to you." At this she shakes her head and pulls away, but she's still holding my arms. As if breaking contact will break her newfound clarity… or confusion as it appears. I look at her equally confused. A small, sad smile creeps onto her face.

"Let's get out of this cave, yeah?" Then she gets up and walks away from me so I have to catch up to her. She stops at the mouth of the cave and her arms come up to wrap around herself. She shivers and I come up behind her and wrap my arms around her. For a moment Rose is stiff before she relaxes into me.

"This is weird." Rose mumbles, "This body of yours hasn't held me in hundreds and hundreds of years." I chuckle at this.

"I haven't even been in this body in all that time. The last time I was in this body was the first time I kissed you." I remind her and hug her bit more tightly.

"Yes, I remember that now." She pauses and steps away from me to the edge of the cliff. "What I don't know is when I remembered that...or how." Then she turns to me with a weary look in her eyes. "I think we have one more patch of golden light to look for." I nod understandingly, reaching out for her hand. She grabs my hand tentatively, the expanse of beach next to us, just past the staggering drop of misshapen grey cliffs that is.

"Oh." She says, dread taking over her body. I squeeze her hand and she looks back to me, beginning to shake her head no. Her hands snap out of mine and she crouches down into a ball. Her breathing is raspy as she descends into a panic. I drop to my knees in front of her. "Hey, Rose! Hey, it's okay. Look at me." I say comfortingly until I finally reach out to her, placing my hand on her cheek with her scared grey eyes look into mine. My thumb gently caresses her cheek and she calms slightly. "Just keep looking at me okay? Just hold my hand and keep looking at me. Remember this daft old face? I'm sure you missed it from time to time. So just keep looking at it, because this might be the last time you see it." Her eyes water slightly and she touches the hand I have on her cheek. She grabs it gently pulling it down then leaning into me gently placing a kiss on my cheek. Then she leans back slowly and with our faces apart-

"Let's fall a bit further, shall we?" He says in a breathy voice mentines my inside spinning.

"I don't think I could stop if I wanted to." I smile at her and with that I glance over the bridge and see the gold sparkles about twenty feet down. I look back at her as we stand up in sync and take a step closer, at the very tip now. I look into those grey eyes of hers, so like my own in this incarnation and we both take one step over the edge and fall...


	10. Chapter 9- Fragile Feelings

_**A/N: I do apologize for sitting on this chapter on it's ass for so long, it just didn't quite feel right. And it still doesn't feel perfect, but maybe that's just the vibe the whole thing is giving off right now. Anyway, I love all of my readers very much! I appreciate all of you, no matter your opinion.**_

 _ **And just as a warning, I'm sorry for this... in advance. (;**_

 **Chapter 9**

Fragile Feelings

 _Rose_

Rarely does one have the opportunity to describe what it's like to come back to life. Nor do they usually have multiple experiences to draw on to explain with. And even though I do, this was unlike any of the four times I have, this was a sensation unlike anything else. Although, at least, the pain was similar. Just my luck. But that was really the only similarity. Instead of the usual golden explosive glow of gold, this was just a sheen of white gold, more a light than a sparkle. And it only exploded in my mind for one blinding moment. And then it was like I could remember everything and nothing all at once.

In the reign of pain that followed the golden white explosion, somewhere in the real world my physical body reached out and to grab something to steady myself. I grabbed something solid and a bit squishy and it calmed me momentarily. Then it was like I was thrust into something entirely new.

I landed face down as if I had just tripped, into something smelling of dried leaves but also a bit like… lemon? Something citrus. I moved my hands about and realized I was able to grasp onto what I was smelling. Tons of tiny individual paper like things… I could feel them against my face! They were long and smooth and… GRASS it was grass! My eyes fluttered open slowly and I saw red all around me. A bright crimson, 1 ½ meter tall grass was surrounding me. I started to push myself up to my knees.

My memories were still very wibbly in my head, things were still trying to really themselves into the proper place. Did I meet the Ood on an Impossible planet or go to my Secondary School ball first? Well the second one was rather odd… so easy confusion? What color are my eyes? Or my hair? What does my face look like? Trivial things, I guess. I could remember later. Not important now, but something was pressing right now. Something was happening… it was right on the top of tongue.. Oh what was it! Oh wait, someone is making that weird noise? That language confusion noise? Oh talking! Speaking! Conversing! How funny, beings were so funny when they did that!

That was when I realized.. He was directing it at me. Someone calling to me, not with a name or anything, like an address, informal, and not understandable? … he sounded young, and very near. As in right behind me just a breath away if I would only turn my head. I could feel immediately who it was but my mind was still adjusting, the words not quite translating yet. I could see a burnt orange sky above me and two shadows of my own casting on the ground, suspectedly from two twin suns blazing high in the sky behind me. I knew where I was. I could remember hearing about it in detail. It filled me with an incomparable sadness, and yet wonder, at seeing something I never dreamed I would ever be able to.

 _Gallifrey._

Of course! If I'm on Gallifrey that must mean… must mean.. He…

Stupid, stupid, slow ape head! WOW. Ape? Yes Ape. I'm human. Why am I human? It's been awhile since I took _that_ form for a spin. Since I was…

 _Rose Tyler._ Rose _Marion_ Tyler. I'm _me_ again! Hahaha!

 _ **POV Shift**_

Remember things was a pleasure… but there were still gaps. Fragments of time that weren't quite in the right place. She could see them _all_ though. They were all there. Who had gone and messed with this complicated puzzle? She remembered the voice and whipped toward it. The voice belonged to a young man kneeling in the grass with her. He had slicked back, brown chesnut-y hair and bright blue piercing eyes. His brow bone was pronounced but fit his face well, giving him a constant disgruntled look. And the confused frown on his face certainly didn't help the future grumpy grandpa look. He was still speaking at her but she couldn't find it in her to understand him. Her brain felt so slow… She hadn't felt this way since she was….

No, that was impossible. She _knew_ she wasn't human anymore. Didn't she just go over this on her head a moment ago? This was crazy, surely. But for some reason she felt that way, the slowness, the delayed reactions, the...imminent mortality. It felt pure, and good… But she knew it was wrong, and that's how she knew none of this was real. So she frowned slightly before speaking to the young man.

"Sorry mate, I don't currently speak Gallifreyan or whatever." She smiled at him, almost embarrassed at her lack of knowledge, and her heart fluttered when he smiled back.

"Oh, my apologies miss. But, you can't be here. There aren't any humans allowed on Gallifrey. So...How did you get here?" He was looking at her with wide eyes of wonder, and something else that was so powerful she could feel it coming off of him in waves. The urge to run, explore, to know all the possibilities of the universe crashing over her with their certainty and frothing with excitement. He was also definitely staring at her. Openly studying her with a slight look of awe. She gave him a curious look, perhaps he hadn't yet realized that none of this was real? Or maybe she was wrong, and it was true. But something inside her screams that this was impossible, from the appearance of the man before her to the feeling the planet around her gave off. Suddenly he realized what he was doing, staring rudely at the pretty young woman was not a good way to make first impressions. He turned away blushing slightly, thinking of how he might be able to do just that… But not rudely.

"I-I-... You're human, aren't you? I haven't met many humans. Except a few memories I have of my mother. But it's just…" he looked down, still flustered, but then gathered the confidence, to look back up directly into her eyes. "Are all of you like this?" He asked softly a hand reaching up toward her face but not quite reaching it. Rose was enraptured by him, and by this simple moment between breaths. She sucked in everything about him. The way his voice put specific inflections in weird places like he had just learned English, but also wanted to seem like it was old hat. How his face was so expressive, and you could see the devious want to escape this world lingering in the twinkle of his eye. She was drawn to responding like a call and answer game. As if she would have ever thought of ignoring him, it just didn't seem possible.

"Like what?" Rose asked in response, looking deep into those eyes that had permanently captured her heart, no matter what color they were or what face they sat in. They were still him. Even if she couldn't think of exactly who he was off the top of her head. It didn't matter right now.

"Beautiful." He said in a release of breath, almost a whisper. He didn't say it like a question, and it stole her breath away. She smiled her famous tongue in teeth smile and he smiled back again. "You are so beautiful." Suddenly she couldn't hold back, he had been drawing her in with every word, every breath, and she was just the moth to his flame. However, she realized as more of an afterthought, that she hadn't been the only one in motion. Their lips crashed together with a sudden passion but also tenderness like they had always wanted. It wasn't to save one of them from dying, and it wasn't because of them was possessed. Their minds merged for a mere moment and everything became clear. Who they were to each other, and also that none of this was _really_ real. Except to them. The kiss carried on, perhaps only a moment, perhaps it was hours. There was no concept of time in this created Gallifrey, only the two of them. Together they soaked in every little thing they could possibly gather about this moment and each other. Until they both knew it was time to speak again and regain clarity. When they broke apart there was tears brimming in her eyes.

"Rose." His voice was all breathy, how could he have ever forgotten this fact? Her _name_ was everything to him, it was everything he had cherished and dreaded for thousands of years. " _My_ Rose Tyler?" At this point his eyes looked a bit watery. She just smiled back at him. Hands holding the face she had just been kissing, with his hands still on her neck. She could only let herself answer with a nod, fearing that if she spoke her voice would break or the wetness in her eyes would push through. His answering smile was so huge, he couldn't help himself. He jumped on her, pushing her back into the grass as their lips crashed together again. He cradled her head as they went back and landed lightly on top of her. Everything he felt for her swelling through their connection and she answered back just as ferociously. Again it was as if time stopped for them to just relax into a sort of momentary delight. They would laugh a bit, or smile slightly and the other would laugh as a result and they would break for only a moment. Then they were back to searching, learning, and bathing in the joy that began and ended in the others lips, and tongue, and mouth. When they broke to breathe she was looking up at someone who she felt she'd known her whole life.

"Theta." She said back and he smiled hugely again, happy she just seemed to know every part of him. They both felt so light, as if all the pain of the last two thousand years had disappeared. But, _god_ , it had been so long for both of them. Especially her. Sure, they had both loved others, but not ever quite like they loved each other. And this was just what they needed for this moment. No complications, just them in a moment that was as ingrained in the stars as was the start and end of the universe.

But it wasn't meant to last, they were, after all, in a fantasy of mental concoctions. A subconscious wish brought to a semi-reality. They both felt as if they had had this _exact_ dream a million times before. But this time the colors were brighter, the sensations more intense, and the one thing _for sure_ , the emotions were real.

His hand ran down her back, pulling her closer to him as her hands slid into his hair, destroying its original placement. They were knotted together. Lost in the taste of one another once again.

Until a bump in reality severed Fable's connection with the Doctor's head, and vice versa for him. Reality felt so distinctly _real_ at that moment. As if all time and space had come back into the focal point, even though neither had realized it was absent. They were so focused on the other that everything else had dropped away. An old man with a frighteningly grumpy brow line, and an older woman with jet black hair. Green eyes staring into piercing, bright blue, both breathing heavily, sitting less than a foot apart on a worn couch. One looking shocked, one dared to look hopeful, but they both looked so so scared. So neither spoke. Though both wanted to, and wished the other would start first.

So the silence stretched on. The Doctor wondered if Fable remembered being Rose; rather he really hoped she did. He just wanted to jump forward and resume what they had been doing telepathically. Rose didn't… or was it _Fable_ didn't? She wasn't sure anymore. Was she just one person, or had she actually become two as the result of her drastic actions. Also there was so much time between them. She was sure the Doctor was older too, she could see it etched into every cone of his irises. She could see it in the way his timeline occasionally streaked across her vision like a lightning strike, though she tried not to look.

But she was a very different person. She didn't know if he could accept the woman she had become, and a part of her just wanted to run in anticipation of the way his face would contort in disgust when she told him of the things she'd done. Certainly, there was a chance he would understand the civilizations she had destroyed and the species lost. That much he had a first hand experience in as well… but who's to say how he would react to knowing she had been the cause of another universe's collapse. That she had destroyed another realms prime deity, and therefore, sent that realm into an eternal war. How would he feel to know that she had really, truly loved someone else… Even if that someone was a whole universe away and dead. How would he feel to know she missed her late husband. As much as she had missed the Doctor, even. Maybe more considering the life they had shared together… but she didn't want to think of all that now.

Here in front of her sat a man she had loved so deeply she was willing to destroy dimensions and rip holes in reality to be with him again. A love so powerful she had to forget herself to move on. She has destroyed herself for this man before, and that wasn't okay. But it wasn't his fault either. It was all her own fault, really. But could she do that again?

Oh god, she didn't know. Suddenly a noise-

"Aaah-... Are you-" It was _his_ voice. Barely above a whisper, and it was cracking funny.

"Am I?" She responded without missing a beat. She felt steady despite the internal earthquake. Her voice was soft, but it didn't crack. He was still gaping, watching her face for a sign of anything, but she didn't fold. Her expression had long ago fell away from shock and fear to a blank mask, a step above indifference. Because she _did_ care about him, so deeply.

"Can you… uh- .. Remember me now?" His hand twitched slightly at the end of his question, and she could tell he desperately wanted to hold her hand. But she couldn't just-

"Yes." She said with a single, curt nod. His eyes bulged a bit with the impatience of waiting for her to say something, or anything more. What could she say? Anything really, probably. "I remember every bit of my existence now. Not a stone out of place on the paths of my cobblestones..." She tried a little smile at the end but knew between her tone, her weird phrase, and her face's unwillingness to communicate any extreme emotion... it had probably been more of a grimace.

She did love him, she always would; but that didn't mean she would always be _in_ love with him. It was a fine line, one she didn't know how to approach any more. He had changed, twice since she had seen him. He was more than double the age he had been when they met. Never mind her being almost 87 times older.

"You've gotten older." She said gently, though she knew it probably came off blunt. And was most definitely avoiding the large purple elephant in the room. He smirked a little bit.

"You can talk." He said lightly back, but suddenly there was a lump in her throat and her eyes were welling again, damn it. The elephant was impatient, and pressing on her emotions with the volume of importance he represented. Stupid elephant.

"Yeah I can. Same as you now." She said a bit grimly, because she never wanted to be like him. She wanted to love him, support him, but become him? No. So she didn't understand how it happened that she _was_. She supposed she was old like him so the similarities just added up in spades.

Time just made a certain type of person. The more of it you had, the more you were like them. Weathered, experienced, with a bitter wisdom, and miles upon miles of horrible choices to weigh on your shoulders. This was especially true of those that had a sort of immortality they never _really_ wanted.

"I never wanted that for you." He said, as if echoing her own thoughts, and he started to reach for her but thought better of it. She was thankful he stopped because she wasn't sure at this point how she would react to his touch. Would she lean in? Or jump away? Maybe she wouldn't react at all. "I wish I could have been there."

"Me too." She said softly, and she could see his eyes twinkling with hope again. It made her want to hug him, and be the reassuring force he needed. _Just hug him!_ Something inside her screamed at her, but she didn't move. It had been a loaded answer, really. She wished he was there so that none of the things that happened to her would ever have happened at all. She sometimes wished he never would have stranded her back on this side of the wall with his twin. Now, the word 'sometimes' was the lie in that thought. Even if that was so long ago it ached to remember it, a thousand and one things could have been prevented if he hadn't made that choice of walking away without really saying goodbye. It was in this moment that she missed Dean most of all, because if it were him on the other side of the couch he would have yelled, or gotten up, or just anything because he couldn't stand silence between them. But the Doctor was an entirely different creature, with an entirely different brain, and a new personality she had never even encountered before.

She watched him try to swallow past something in this throat, then he opened his mouth as if to speak but only a small croak and some air came out. He closed his mouth and looked away from her.. And her heart clenched for him, he was _so_ scared of this moment, and she did _still_ care for him; deeply. Part of the wall that was formed around her heart cracked and she reached up to lightly touch his face.

He didn't see it coming and his whole body went stiff for a moment, but his eyes closed as he let her fingers dance lightly over his creased face. She studied the features intently, memorizing the new twists and turns, then she wanted to see his eyes again, so she brushed her thumb over the eyelid lightly and he opened them. Her hand dropped to rest lightly on her knee.

"How are you here?" She breathed out, and then paused before "WHY are you here?" She added, with a slight gesture to the side. He smirked a bit and looked down for a moment, before meeting her eyes again. Now he looked ready to talk, like this was an answer he had off the top of his head. His words flowed like a dirge, with a light descant of hope sprinkled on top.

"I never could give up on you. 1100 years, and I never could. My eleventh self had to find a way to not think about you all the time.. Where you were, how you were, if you were happy with my metacrisis, anything. So I installed a new setting on the sonic" at this he pulled out his new, fancy one, that looked more like a weird power crystal than a screwdriver to her, "-it was something set to scan the universe for any tiny little fissure between our world's. Wherever I was in time or space it was scanning, it was made to keep scanning forever. Basically. So even when I changed the exterior of it, I always kept this one program running. I knew the possibility was extremely low. But i just needed to have the knowledge that i was doing something. Because I could never give up. And I tried to let you go, I tried to move on, I really did. But I never quite could-" he stopped himself, but she nodded for him to go on, because this was the why. And she needed to know why, and maybe _if_..

"But I never quite could… love anyone in the way that I felt for you." Her heart swelled and her eyes pricked as she sucked in a big breath, like a gasp. Of course she knew, John had said as much, but to hear him say that word… she couldn't explain it, she was still so mixed up inside. This was the man who had walked away from her saying things only his twin had ever said were true. But it still felt good to hear it, that much she knew. She smirked a bit as some words came to mind, an old poem in fact. From another universe, and as she began to speak it her voice carried herself closer to him. She didn't know if she was explaining something to him, or just biding time. She didn't know, but the words flowed out slow and careful like honey.

"One of the ancient maps of the world

Is heart-shaped, carefully drawn

And once washed with bright colors,

Though the colors have faded

As you might expect feelings to fade

From a fragile old heart, the brown map

Of a life. But feeling is indelible,

And longing infinite, a starburst compass

Pointing in all the directions

Two lovers might go, a fresh breeze

Swelling their sails, the future uncharted,

Still far from the edge

Where the sea pours into the stars."

She paused and really took in awe struck look the Doctor wore on his face. And the confusion swirling in his eyes… It dawned on her that suddenly quoting a poem when she had barely said anything was a bit strange… but it wasn't the strangeness he seemed to mind. They both knew he was equally as strange if anything. He didn't know how to interpret her words. Perhaps he was surprised he had never heard that poem before.

"It's from another universe." She supplied, and he nodded in response. She didn't tell him that her husband had used that very poem to propose to her. Dean had known about the Doctor, so at the time he had used it to acknowledge that it was okay to still love the Doctor, but also love him. He had just wanted her to be happy, and she had been so _so_ happy with him. But now the poem was being re-delivered with a new taste to it and with a new interpretation. That's how art worked. Someone could have the same painting be their favorite one for their whole life, but have it mean different things to them as their life progressed and changed. Someone could look at Starry Night by Van Gogh when they were young, life just beginning, a new career ahead, and see all the wonders Gogh seems to capture with the simple blending strokes, and how light radiates across the universe. The same person could look at the same painting 30 years later and realize how life is more of a blend of the same and similar things, rather than this bright shining thing. Still beautiful, but explicitly simple in a way only Vincent could portray. She looked down at her fingers she'd been fiddling with and back up at him. It was time.

"Doctor," she started, and his name came out like a relief, which was not her intent, but it was true to her feelings about delving in and out of this whole thing with him. "I know it's been a long time for both of us, but it's been 2 millenia for me. I had to go out and live thinking I'd never get back, or you'd never come. And now-" She paused and sucked air in through her teeth and sat up a bit straighter. "I'm not the same person I used to be, in fact I made a point of forgetting who I really was about twelve hundred years ago." She paused again and couldn't take it anymore, she reached forward and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly in hers. Somehow it still fit just as perfectly as it once had, and it took her a moment to regain her bearings before continuing. He grabbed her like a lifeline, and maybe she was that to him.

"I still care about you deeply, but I-" she paused choking on the words toward the end. How was she going to end that sentence? _I don't think I'm in love with you anymore? I don't know how I feel anymore? I don't know how to love you anymore? I just don't know?_

"I need time… to figure me out. I haven't been-... _Rose Tyler_ … in over a millennia. And I don't know if we _think_ the same anymore. Fable and Rose, I just… I don't know." So she dropped his hand lightly, setting it back on his leg, and leaned up on her knees to gently kiss his forehead. She savoured the feeling for a few seconds, a poor woman's indulgence, before pulling away. His mouth was set in a firm line, and if she were honest with him, she wanted to kiss away all the pained lines etched on his face. But she didn't have the strength. So instead, with all the collectiveness she could possibly muster, she stood up, and walked out of the room, pausing at the doorway to look back at him, the Doctor. Sitting inside her STARDIS. He looked a bit lost still and she knew that was only partially her fault. A man floating without a tether in the wrong universe. Probably felt like being a bit tipsy to a Time Lord.

"Are you gonna be okay for now?" She said, her palm pressed against the doorway, inches from escape. He looked up at her and gave her a sad smirk.

"I figure you should know, take as much time as you need but… I've got just less than 3 weeks to make my return trip or the gap I found closes and I'll be trapped on this side." He paused, and shook his head a bit "I've only been here two days. This is the third. I figure just to be safe I've only got fifteen more." He paused again, considering his palms, and then stood.

"Time Machine, Doctor. You're standing in a Time Machine." She said with a funny little smile. "Remember, Bigger on the inside, all of time and space, blah blah." He gave her this smirk and shook his head, thinking to himself how that used to be his job. To remind his companions that they need not worry about being back for their school, or mum, or wedding in the morning when you were inside a time machine. Rose moved to leave again but as she glanced back she stopped at the look on his face.

The way he leveled her gaze sent chills down her spine, the confused and unsure man was gone, and a profound confidence was in its place. "I'm not who I used to be either, I've done things. Things I'm still desperately trying to make right. But if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that you shouldn't hold it in. So when you're willing to share, I'm here. I'm probably the one person in all the cosmos that knows exactly how you feel." He smiled a little bit, and waved her along. "Go on, do what you need. I'll be here."

With that she nodded, and was gone. Thinking to herself if only he knew just what she'd become in his absence, and just what it was that she had done… he wouldn't have made that second to last statement.

 _ **A/N 2.0: So, just thought I would address a question/concern a few reviewers have had about subjective feelings on first person v. third person POV. Mainly, why did I switch from third to first after the first two chapters? Well, I was actually trying to illustrate a feeling of the story best I could. I tend to be less inclined towards omnipresent view points because if the reader knows everything both characters in a scene are thinking in that exact moment, then there is no mystery! You don't question things! But I especially wanted to use it to show how (pretty much) as soon as the Doctor steps foot onto Pete's world he only has himself to rely on and the things he can process. Switching to other characters gives you a second point of view on things, and gets the reader out of a contained headspace. That way everyone at least got The Doctor and Tony before Fable showed up. I didn't just want you guys to think like the Doctor, I want you to also be able to see his ticks. Seocndly, I wanted to keep everything a bit off kilter, and limited in terms of view points until Fable/Rose was able to regain all of her memories. Now that there is no more mystery ... and Fable and Rose are FOR SURE the same person, the view point switches back to third person... for now. Muhaha. (PS I promise we will be getting some glimpses and maybe some one-shots of what Rose's life was like without the Doctor) Thirdly, writing in first person is far more challenging. And, I do like a good challenge. Especially since I am an actor by trade it is always good practice to get right into a characters head space and try to think as them, instead of some unnameable thing from the outside. I can't tell you how many times I had to tripe check that all my pronouns and tenses were right. It's a headache. And I know it has frustrated some of you, or confused you. Perhaps you don't like feeling that close to a character, and that's okay. But I feel like I have done some of my best writing by forcing myself into the head of someone with a crazy, and huge brain. Someone who has had some serious memory loss. And someone who just likes to watch things as they happen, and then direct them in a preferable direction.**_

 _ **Anyway, my feelings on POV aside, I hope that answered your guys questions about the POV thing. As well as I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Please, please leave me a review of what you thought on everything! Any theories! I'm always open to ideas too if you want to contribute, and I'll give you cred if I end up using it. Anyone catch my (not so) sneaky reference to another fandom in there?**_

 _ **LOVE YOU ALL VERY MUCH.**_

 _ **xx Seralina**_


	11. Chapter 10- Close to Collapse

_**A/N: Well its been a day and an age or two since I've updated. But here we are! This chapter has been a whirlwind to figure out. Whereas most of this story has just flowed moment to moment, now it's time to really start incorporating the past in a different way. Obviously we saw many chapters ago how the Doctor was dealing with old memories, but those were all things we've all seen on the show. Now that I'm introducing the unknown events of Rose's life, is hard to pick and choose what to reveal when. And what serves the story vs what would be better off in an entirely different fanfiction. As for going forward, I've got Rose's entire past planned out now I've just got to figure out how you guys will find out about it! Let me know if you have any advice on the good old 'flash back' sort of style, and how you think I handled it for this chapter. As always, any feedback is extremely appreciated. And its really REALLY good to be writing for you guys again. I have missed it!**_

 _ **Now, Enjoy!**_

 _ **-Seralina**_

 **Chapter 10**

Close to Collapse

With the library door closed behind her, Rose finally had a chance to breathe as just her once again. Why did that have to mean so much pain for her? It was as if both Fable and Rose were at war within her, giving advice, telling her how to handle things, what emotion to feel. But she just wanted to be _one_ again. Her mind was currently a battleground of memories, emotion, and guilt. So much guilt. She didn't know how she hadn't yet broken down into an irrefutable state of sobs, snot, and quivers. Perhaps it was the Doctor that had kept the emotions at bay. Or, rather more likely, her fear of the Doctor learning the cause of her tears, kept them at bay. Now, there was nothing to hold them back. She tried to steady her breathing, but upon realising she couldn't she began walking briskly, one destination in mind.

The Zero Room.

Hopefully it could help heal her broken mind, and not just her body this time. She found the door quickly and the door opened on its own. Sending a silent thank you to her beautiful machine, she stepped in and became weightless. Her skin gave a subtle golden glow across the backs of her hands, and she knew what it was. She simply walked into a horizontal float, choosing to ignore it momentarily in favour of situation herself first.

Looking back down at her hands again she examined the rings that were on each. On her left lay Dean's interlocking engagement and wedding ring that were so simple and beautiful. Next to the dual ring; on the middle finger was a silver-gold, sparkling ring. There was a matching one on her right middle finger. Now that she could remember she knew that these were the source of the gold emulating across her hands. She tapped the two rings together, placing one hand over the back of the other, and the gold that had begun to creep up her forearms receded into the corresponding rings.

She sighed and finally dropped her head back. It was weird how she knew with a dead certainty that she now remembered everything, and yet… the information was trying desperately not to overwhelm her. It wasn't necessarily succeeding at that task, but at the very least helping minimally. Only presenting certain bits information as she came across a need for it. Then Rose felt as the zero room began to gently straighten out her limbs, aligning them into perfect posture before beginning work on untangling the strained muscles that perverted her entire body. When the effect was finished, her body felt new, and gently workable. She gently flexed her fingers and toes, giggling slightly. But the feeling of freedom in her body was only momentary. Within the next moment the work began on reordering her mind and she immediately blacked out.

* * *

The Doctor stood in the library still just where R- where his… companion had left him. He wasn't sure what he should call her at this point. And she probably didn't know either,he guessed just from the look on her face as she left the room. Overwhelmed with a barrage of memories, probably in a catatonic state by now. He finally moved, his finger flexed slightly and then he clasped his hands together. After that, it was all undone. He had to move, to pace the room, to explore; literally anything. He started to meander towards the shelves. As he passed a record player and assortment of music stacked on the shelves, one of the singles jumped out at him, flying directly into the meaty part of his shoulder. He just barely caught it, fumbling it for a moment, before he was able to examine it. _The Ice Is Getting Thinner by Death Cab For Cutie._ Huh, looks like the Stardis was trying to tell him something. He was standing on thin ice with the person he wanted more than anything. Not good.

He didn't dare place the song on the record, fearing his emotional turmoil may lead to an outbreak. And he _really_ didn't want to break anything in here if they already were on thin ice. So after placing it carefully back into its place he continued on to the sections of books, perhaps he could find some history on the different parallel universes she had been to. Specifically the one they were currently in.

But the first thing to jump out at him, however not literally this time, was a worn leather bound journal. The pages were yellowing and it was mostly out of place among the other volumes. The Doctor reached for it but as he got close he was zapped. He recoiled and put the finger in his mouth, while giving a pouting look to the ceiling.

"Well what _can_ I read then?" He asked with a bit of a whine as he talked around the finger. He heard a resounding thump of a book hitting the floor a couple aisles over, and immediately withdrew his finger; curiosity replacing the pain. The grey man strolled quickly to where the sound had come from, and saw on the floor ' _Charles Dickens: A Tale of Two Cities'._ His eyebrows drew up at that. "Alright, this is fine." He said to the machine. The shelves around him grumbled a bit, and the Doctor quickly rectified the previous statement. "I mean, thank you, this is great!" He said giving a fake smile, and holding the book up to the ceiling. The lights flashed at him but he was otherwise left alone. It seems he wasn't _just_ on thin ice with Rose.. er- Fable. He sighed aloud, this was all very confusing.

* * *

 _ *****The Floodgates Trickling Open*****_

The wind was salty and bitter as her shoes slid to a stop in the wet sand. They made a sort of squelching noise that could only barely be heard over the wheeze and groan of engines. There was a stark contrast between the fading of the magnificent blue ship, and the bleak greyish tan of the beachy backdrop. This, however, was now quickly giving way to the foreground as even the slight haze of color belonging to the departing machine blinked out of existence.

The TARDIS was no longer in this universe…

And Rose screamed.

Something deep and guttural that devolved into harsh broken sobs as she collapsed to her knees. The blue suited man jumped to her side in comfort but she shoved him away with a force he hadn't expected. He tumbled into the sand clumsily where it clung to his suit jacket and the seat of his trousers, deepening their shade of blue as the wetness soaked through to his pants.

Rose, who was still kneeling, now loomed over him with a fierce look in her eyes. Her soul felt like it had been ripped in half and her brain was screaming in agony. She thought her eyeballs may boil out of their sockets. The Doctor's eyes took on a note of fear as he noticed how Rose had begun to glow. Her eyes were blazing with the glittering gold that haunted his nightmares still, this particular nightmare had become as frequent as those of the Time War, so to see that in the waking hours made his heart turn to stone with fear. Her fists, which were clenched at her sides, shook with the emblems of power. He quickly tossed aside his shock and threw up his hands in a defensive stance. His mind raced to figure out what it all meant; how he had felt her scream inside his head, not just outside it. When it hit him he felt like a fool for not noticing sooner. Would she blame him for not knowing? She had only run crashing back into his life a few hours ago. With everything else going on around them, their world in turmoil (Not to say they didn't _like_ it that way, but, well…), there were so many faces to keep track of, so many things to do, so many problems to solve. Even with two of him he had missed _this._ How could he have missed it? She was, after all, the most important woman in any of the universes to ever capture his hearts.

Of course it had been there. He had seen her wincing in pain when they thought the Tardis had been dropped into the heart of that star. He thought it had been pain for Donna, but no.

"Rose." He whispered feverently, like a fool praying to a deity for belief in him. "Rose, he doesn't know. He had no idea you were connected to her like this." Rose tried to take in a deep breath but it tore into her throat like broken glass. The salty air dragging against her raw throat, fresh with the pain of her screams. She whimpered as the Doctor opened his arms to her and she fell into him.

"Shh… Rose. We'll be okay." He rubbed her back, then an idea occurred to him as he went into his jacket and pulled out the small orange piece of coral. "Here, hold her, it'll soothe the pain a bit." Rose opened her shaking hands and put delicate fingers around the small, twisted clipping. Tears were rolling down her face as she looked up to meet his murky, brown eyes.

"You're an idiot." There was only a lingering sense of anger behind those words at this point, and he watched as her eyelids drooped. The pain had exhausted her beyond her natural comprehension and her body was shutting down to compensate. Then her eyes shut and she nuzzled into his chest, as the last flecks of golden power blew gently away. He pressed his lips to her temple as he brought her closer.

"I know." He tells her, then he carefully gathered her in his arms so that he could stand while holding her close. Her world drew into a deeper black as her consciousness slipped away. Still gently gripping the coral in her cold hands as its minimal warmth attempted to help soothe her soul.

* * *

When she wakes she does so reluctantly, not daring to open her eyes which still throb with the pain emanating from her head. She moans softly and turns her face more towards the soft, smooth surface below her cheek. She can smell the fibres of cotton and the leftover fumes of bleach. Taking stock of the rest of her body she could feel the starchy sheets beneath one hand and the piece of coral in the other. Its rough, indented surface comforting in her palm.

So... today wasn't just a horrible nightmare. The hotel bed she was currently situated in was proof enough of that. Also, she was alone, which was mildly surprising considering the state she last remembered being in she was definitely not an alone one. But she was also definitely not inside, so I guess things can change significantly while you're not aware of the world. But she already knew that. The love of her life went from strong and unbeatable, to dying and changing his face within one swift loss of consciousness.

Just then, she heard voices in the hall outside the room, but they were muffled. A woman and a man whose hushed tones ended with the click of a lock and the door swinging open. Then the door clicked shut. Shoes lightly scuffed the carpet as someone crossed the room till they were standing over her. A harsh breath released from their lips, and the ghost of that breeze hit her face with a caress. Then they sat, indenting the bed next to her, her body slightly tilting toward the new concave. His scent hit her just before his fingers caressed her brow. He smelled fresh, like rain, and a bit of a chemically smell wafted from what she guessed was his hair and the gel he used to make it do the crazy sticky uppity things. Then there was that smell that was just distinctly him with it's musky warmth that tickled her nose and brightened her soul… if that was possible.

Okay, so maybe the past… however many hours hadn't been a total nightmare. He was here after all, with her.

"Hello," He called softly, his voice deep and husky. She smiled a little at the sound. "I can tell you're awake because your heart rate just sped up and your breathing hitched." She smiled a little more and felt his thumb trace lightly over her lips. "And, you've started smiling." She peeked her eyes open a bit and was rewarded with the sight of him. A smirk on his lips to match his tone of voice, the skin on either side of his eyes crinkling slightly, one of his cheeks stood up a bit more proclaiming to the world it's small smattering of freckles. It was perfection like she hadn't seen in years.

"Hello." She answered, but her voice came out rough in the so not sexy way. More in the, 'I'm coming down with this terrible flu, everyone keep back about 10 metres' way. The Doctor's hand trailed away from Rose's face and down to her neck where it rubbed the tense muscles gently. Warmth fluttered down her neck and through her whole body making her heart speed up in succession. The Doctor smirked even more in response.

"How are you feeling?" He asked and she shrugged a bit in response.

"Better now with you here." He smiled cheekily in response to that, his eyes crinkling even more at the corners and this made Rose laugh lightly.

"Yeah, course you are. Cheeky." He responded and she couldn't help but find it weird how comfortable she was in that quiet moment with him. In their old life this was so rare… there was always something to distract them. Even with how much time they spent in the media room together, cuddling and whatnot, they had always been up to something. Reading to each other, or watching TV, or playing games. Never trivia ones though, he had a stupidly unfair advantage at them. Unless they were really specific earth references from the 2000's… then she had a tiny advantage. Now here he was with her, staring unabashedly at her and carding his fingers through her hair. It almost made her forget why she was in such a blessed situation.

Almost.

The Doctor watched as Rose sat up carefully, a determined look on her face. Clearly their tender moment had ended without his permission, so he snatched her hand and twined their fingers. It didn't matter that he was hopefully expecting a billion more of these moments in his future, he wanted to savour every single one. Because no matter how long a human life on the slow path could feel, it would still go by in the tiny blink of an eye. He had lived through 9 centuries after all, to have less than one left before him was terrifying. Rose was his new lifeline through that, but one he could gladly, enthusiatically even, cling to. She didn't try to pull away from his grasp though, so he simply braced himself for what was to come.

"You left us." Her words were simple, and all encompassing. In those three words were not only the fact of what had been done, but the blame for it as well. Also the sense of precognition. She knew he had to be aware of the decision, not just the other him, for this to have ever happened. He nodded at this simple statement, but that wasn't enough for her. "Why? Who the hell are you to decide what I want, _again_?" She seethed at him, her eyes pinpointing him with daggers, and he flinched slightly.

"I know." His voice came out scratchy as it attempted to work over the lump of guilt that had formed. He grabbed the side of her arm and squeezed the bicep. Then he sighed, preparing himself to be strewn across the metaphorical altar. "It was stupid and selfish of me, I didn't consider all the facts at hand. Didn't even think to look for them. But it was selfless at the same time." Rose looked away from him and brushed off the hand on her arm but didn't let go of his hand. This prompted him to continue on, knowing she was still listening despite her lack of eye contact. "He'e being selfish because he didn't ask you or me even what we wanted. It's selfish because he knew about my lifespan and had this whole thing planned out in the span of a few seconds. He couldn't watch us be happy together, even if he made a vow not to look in on us the temptation would always be there. To see you, make sure I was treating you right, just know how you were, but he can't share you and he won't kill me so he thought of this. He put that wall right back up between you and him, he doesn't want to think about you anymore. But Rassilon help him, that won't be a feat he will achieve easily _if_ at all." Here he paused and leaned a little closer to Rose, speaking in a hushed yet passionate voice as opposed to the strict and reprimanding one he had just used to describe his other half. "But, more importantly, Rose, it's self _less_ because he would give everything to be in my position right now, but he can't. He'd give everything to spend the next 80 years by your side even if it meant watching you die. This is what he wants." He put his palm up to caress her cheek just to emphasize the point. "He wants _you_. Every second of everyday. And I do too."

Rose's eyes watered at the devout proclamation. Of course he wanted her, she could see that. But he didn't really know what _she_ wanted. He didn't even know about how much she had changed. The things she had been through just to get back to him and the TARDIS.

"That's the whole problem though. You didn't ask! Neither of you. And now I'm stuck in the wrong universe with you and your one heart. Your _one_ lifetime." Confusion struck the Doctor's face as she stated the obvious. It wasn't often that confusion felt like a slap upside the head, but Rose tended to do that to him. It was the whole 'having your emotions tied in' that really screwed him over. It tended to make him miss the obvious while the, no pun intended, rose colored glasses were fully in place. But this, _this_ really seemed to be something he shouldn't have missed.

"Yes but… i-isn't that perfect for being all domestic a-a-and human together?" His eyebrows scrunched as his hand squeezed hers tighter. He was afraid of the bomb she was about to drop on him, more than he had been afraid of anything since this body had been created. Rose took a deep breath, which did no help to qualm his sudden fear, before she explained.

"In order to find you, in my home universe-.. the prime universe let's say, I had to go on a trial and error basis to find it. They, meaning my Torchwood team here, wired me up with a special prototype, that I helped build. It was keyed into special aspects of my biology that came from time traveling and… other things. But it still took me years to find it. Years where I was stuck in other universes because time ran at a different pace." The Doctor's blood ran cold and he squeezed her hand till his knuckles turned white, but she didn't complain.

"How many years, Rose?" Rose closed her eyes and her head dropped on a sigh. "I'm not exactly sure… but I think…" Her eyes met his again. "20 years, give or take. Maybe more." She shrugged, and he had the horrid feeling it had been _more._ That she was sparing him just how bad so that he wouldn't go into a cataclysmic shock before her eyes. He froze only momentarily, then his brain was racing a thousand miles a second. Realising a whole slew of new things at once. Especially one big one that was staring him right in the face.

"You haven't aged. Not at all. Oh, _Rose…_ " He sighed, his head now dropping in defeat, eyes roaming the blankets underneath them in thought. "This changes everything, doesn't it?" He dared to peek back up at her, and she nodded though not in a committed way.

"It doesn't have to. I still want _you._ That's what is important. You're why I went through it."

"But it's not just your life span which has suddenly changed. It's your physiology too. You were glowing earlier on the beach. You looked just like you had on the Game Station." He shook his head. "I don't even know what you are Rose." She turned away from him at this, a mix of emotions going through her mind. The Doctor saw the dejected look pass before her eyes and grabbed her chin so he could look in her eyes again. "I don't mean that in a bad way. I mean that I'm scared _for_ you, not _of_ you. I don't know about what the side effects of what you've become are." He paused to lick his lips and let go of her chin so he could run a hand through his hair. She used to call this 'Mad Scientist Mode' and if there had been something more to examine, she was sure his _sexy specs_ would be coming out at any moment. Not this time though, this time there was only facts and her. "It's obvious you've retained some of the huon particles that you took in from the heart of the TARDIS. I know I tried to get all of it out, but what was left has clearly altered your biology in some significant ways. Now _normally_ any human exposed to huon particles is likely to perish because it's… well they're deadly. But you were always special, _Rose Tyler_. They seem to have extended your lifespan _and_ given you certain powers." Here he smiled at her and she blushed a little in response. "You've always been magnificent."

"Well… yes. But my _magnificence_ is beside the point, Doctor. Anyway, everything you've just said I already know. Now it's mainly hypothesis, but I think the TARDIS allowed the change. Because If you recall correctly I didn't just look into the heart of the TARDIS but she-"

"Looked into your heart as well." He finished for her. "Yes, I know. And whatever she found there, she must have approved of you because she granted you access to powers unlike anything I had seen before."

"It wasn't just that though, Doctor. I think the change started then. I think she wanted to… umm… give me to you. She wanted to make sure you wouldn't have to lose me." The Doctor paused in thought at this, a wistful and considering smile on his face.

"Well isn't that just _wizard._ That meddling sentient beauty." He gave her this huge smile, that made her think for a moment he had forgotten the problem entirely. But perhaps he had just forgotten that _he_ was the problem, his limited life span. Then she watched it occur to him. "Oh." His face fell, pain dancing through his eyes. She would be stuck. His precious girl who had been tailor made for him had been left on the wrong side of the wall with the… wrong him. And he would have to help her solve that before his time was up. "Well…"

"What?" She exclaimed, watching the idea come to life on his face. He gingerly grabbed her other hand, and brought it up between them. On reflex Rose loosened her fingers, then the Doctor gently pried them open.

"We have this." He breathed out openly admiring the small piece of coral. "And she's already grown since I gave her to you, clearly you're meant for eachother." Rose admired the small piece too, wondering if in something so fragile was her hope for a future.

"Could we really do it?" Rose asked in open astonishment bordering on disbelief, her eyes raising to his level, daring for hope to sparkle between them.

"We could." There was a whisper of a smile on his face, and suddenly the tension in the room evaporated. Rose dropped their intertwined hands to roughly grab his neck and pull his face to hers in a passionate embrace. Their lips met with a fervent force, the Doctor eagerly responded to. He leaned into her, pressing her to lay back down on the mattress with him positioned on top of her, pure ecstasy coursing through his human body. Rose pulled away momentarily and pressed a finger to his lips to stop the re-assault, she took the few seconds she could manage to gently set the coral in the besides table drawer, where it could be safe until morning. When her eyes met his again, something had shifted. He was still on top of her, their bodies slotted together in all the rights ways, but there was worry clear and present in his eyes. She raised a hand to cup his cheek, stroking the cheek bone as if trying to soothe the worry out physically.

"What?" She searched his eyes and he searched hers back, the adam's apple in his throat bobbed nervously.

"Will you still stay with me? Even if I'm aging and senile, and forgetting who you are?" She gave him the most incredulous look.

"No matter what, you daft idiot, I'm not leaving your side. It may have been hard for you to comprehend the slow path before, but it's how I was raised. I'm sure I could learn to enjoy it. Especially with you." He smiled a little but still looked nervous.

"Better with two?" He questioned again.

"It'll be easier to pay the mortgage that way." He shuddered at that, then smacked her lightly on the shoulder.

"I'm not joking."

"Neither am I. I'll say it again, however many times you need to hear it."

"I do."

"No matter what, I'm not leaving you." He sighed and collapsed onto her, snuggling into her neck. Her arms came up to hold him tighter.

"I'll always be in awe of your loyalty, Rose Tyler. Even if I don't know why you are so set on daft old me.."

"Yes, you do. But, 'Does it need saying?'" She mocked him lightly. He pushed himself up to look at her and found her playful look. It ignited something in him that he didn't see going out any time soon.

"Oi, you!" She laughed at this, then he attacked her again, his lips caressing down her neck. The laughter died quickly followed by hums of appreciation. Both quickly forgetting the conversation about changing biologies and side effects. Too busy in the midst of losing themselves in _each others_ biology.


End file.
